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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Final Chapter... with grace

How do we "do" graceful when we're facing the autumn days in our life?

I'm not sure... There's been much written about handling life's end with grace and dignity, but in the nitty-gritty mess of it all, how do you really "do" graceful?

We are walking that road with Leroy's parents.  It breaks my heart to see their once proud heads stooped, gray and weary...



These days past have been spent back in Illinois.  This time, Leroy's mom... Another fall, dehydration, hospital stays... weak and fatigued.  Strength wrung out, life energy ebbing.

Where do we go from here?

Doctors are advocating a nursing home/rehab unit.  And we accept the necessity... but Leroy's dad isn't "doing" graceful.  He wants to be at home.  With his wife.

And this is where it gets messy...

Millie has been there for Don for 62 years.   She's been a faithful companion, help-meet, loving partner... and major cook and bottle washer to boot.  And now her tired eyes speak truth... she can't do it anymore.  We know.  She knows.  For goodness sake even their pastor knows.  But Don doesn't want to see that... it is so incredibly difficult to accept that our bodies have betrayed us...



And so we talk.  And make meals.  And drive him to the hospital to visit Millie.  And get the wheelchair out of the car for him.  And carry in the portable oxygen.  And pray for strength to return to her frail frame.  And sigh when we leave, knowing that tomorrow we will do it all over again...

And how do you watch a heart break?

How do you do graceful?

In the quiet morning hours, we offer solutions.   Come stay with us.  Let us help.  No, the gray head shakes.  This is home.  Our doctors... are here.  Friends.... are here.  All that is familiar.... is here.

All that is... except Millie.

So we suggest hiring help... with the housekeeping, and the meals, and the bathing, and the lawn care, and, the list is endless...  Don's expression at this suggestion needs no words... we make another pot of coffee and slice into some warm apple pie... the universal remedy when there is no answer...

A niece arrives with sunshine and smiles.  We visit the hospital and make plans, offer another solution that Millie approves of... perhaps the new Assisted Living Facility across town?  And together with our sweet niece, we coax Don into a tour.

And find it totally charming.

And possible.  But for the price tag... It is a private-pay facility and runs high.  Even with their long term care insurance it is out-of-range.
 
And so we headed home.   Defeat weighing heavy... and not very gracefully. 

In the ensuing days, Don digs feet in firm and insists he will stay at home.

Millie's doctors are equally as firm, she must go to nursing home/rehab unit until she regains some strength.

Stale-mate.

If this were a 30 minute sit-com, we'd be arriving at the happy ending by now... But, real life is messy.  And difficult.  And not at all like we planned...

And I have been dragging my feet writing this post because I wanted an answer to the messy, a graceful solution to the dilemma, a roadmap for the difficult.... instead I have been given this... a word. a prayer... from a dear friend, who knows our hearts are hurting right now:

There is hope to be found
in the midst of our pain.
The darkness, the heartbreak,
the sorrow, and the grief
are not permanent.
The Lord's compassion never fails.
He is good to those who hope in Him,
who seek Him,
who wait quietly for Him.
He knows your suffering and
will give you the comfort of His presence.
Walk with Him step-by-step
each day and you will know happiness again.
Life as you knew it has stopped,
don't rush the healing,
the grief will come and go like waves.
Embrace the Lord thru it all,
He will bring you thru it.
 
 
Hope in the midst...
 
Walk with Him, and with Don,
A walk in love and honor and respect...
 
A wait for Grace...
 

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