Mom chose a mostly traditional route of treatment for her cancer. It was what she felt most comfortable with, although along the way we did give a nod to several holistic treatments and we'll share more about that in coming weeks... but Gemzar chemotherapy was the treatment most highly recommended by her oncology team, so that is where we spent the majority of our time.
I can remember a friend, sincere and well-meaning, asking mom how long she would have to be on the chemo. Mom gently told her "for the rest of my life, as long as I have...it is the only thing holding the cancer at bay right now."
It sucks the air plum out of my lungs to remember the finality of that statement. I wanted to cry at the obscene honesty, my heart grieving and torn over the obvious truth.
Mom accepted her terminal diagnosis long before any of the family could... We all, especially myself, just knew she could beat the odds. And hearing her admit she would be on the gemzar until the cancer won out was incredibly painful, horrifying really...
Don't we all just assume the doctors and treatments will help us? That at some point we'll be back to good health and the nightmare journey will fade into the past, complete with a "Well Done" certificate and a celebratory party when we walk out of the Chemo Lab for the last time?
That wasn't the way mom's story ended... We've journaled much of her experience with Gemzar on the website, so I won't rehash old news... but there are a few notes we could add in hind sight for those of you just beginning the journey.
First of all, Gemzar is still one of the most effective chemotherapies that we have in the arsenal to fight pancreatic cancer. That may not be saying much, but it is true. Gemzar did indeed work for mom in shrinking the tumor (for awhile) and actually kept the cancer from metasticizing to other parts of her body.
That is incredibly good. Yes? Definitely worth the host of side effects that accompany the use of such a potent chemotherapy drug.
But I also feel compelled to share the other side of the coin for those wanting an honest, transparent opinion... Pay attention to the side effects.
We knew (and mom experienced) the bouts of nausea/vomiting and flu-like symptoms. We knew (and she definitely experienced) the low blood counts.
What we didn't pay attention to was the small print... way down the list of side effects there was a caution about lung problems...
This drug can cause serious lung problems in some people. Tell your doctor right away if you start to notice cough, wheezing, trouble breathing during exercise, shortness of breath when lying down, or in other situations.
Many of you that have read our journey know that mom contracted aggressive double pneumonia the week before she passed away...
Pneumonia. Not Pancreatic Cancer.
We never saw it coming. As a matter of fact, her oncologist had just told us several weeks before she developed the pneumonia that the pancreatic cancer was still contained to the pancreas. We had cheered that little victory. No spread of the cancer yet. All the while her lungs were being comprised to the point that the pneumonia got a foothold and never let go...
It was truly The Perfect Storm...
Do we blame the Gemzar? No more than I could blame the donuts I ate for my increasing waistline. The Gemzar did what it was made to do. It kept the pancreatic cancer at bay for over a year. It also destroyed most of mom's immune system in the process.
Do we wish perhaps that we had been more vigilant while her white blood count was so low? A million times yes! I would have buttoned her up and kept her at home instead of shopping for Thanksgiving turkeys together. Even though I know in my heart of hearts there was no way we could have tied her down and kept her from the Thanksgiving festivities...
And that is the reason her story keeps on giving. For in our hind sight, we can maybe, just maybe, give another cancer sojourner a chance to keep on fighting...
Pay Attention to the Side Effects... Listen to your Body...
Fight Hard... Love Harder...
Find Joy in every single Grace we are Given. Always.
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