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Showing posts with label God's Healing Hand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Healing Hand. Show all posts

Monday, February 6, 2012

Carrying On...

We are home.  And it's back to reality!!  No more room stewards and towel animals,



 prime rib and lobster,



 deck chairs with spectacular views,



 or tropical breezes and aquamarine waves....



What a lovely cruise we had.  Despite Dad developing shingles!  Thankfully it has been a mild case, but the stress of the last weeks and the grieving process undoubtably opened the door to this "uncomfortable" development.  The doctor okayed our travel plans and Dad spent much of the time resting and eating, the true luxuries of cruise travel!

And this cruise was so important to Dad, for many reasons.  But mostly because it was one of those mountains he had to face.  The last cruise we had planned was just a few short months ago to celebrate mom's 1st Year Canciversary.  Mom and Dad have always loved cruising and have been on more than 20 cruises to points all around the globe.  We had planned an easy cruise for mom this time, out of the Galveston port to the sunny shores of Cozumel, but Pneumonia beat us out, and mom was in the hospital  the week we were scheduled to depart.  More than once that week, she murmured her regrets that we couldn't make the cruise, no matter how often we assured her it didn't matter.  But it mattered to her.  And to Dad.  I know he wanted to take her on one last cruise.  Maybe as a way to say goodbye, or maybe as a way to spend time with her in a place that held so many joyful memories, far, far from the world of cancer and its stranglehold.

That trip never happened.  She passed away December 4th, the day we would have arrived back home.

And so we have grieved...  Dad, especially has grieved a loss we can only imagine.  A wife, a companion, his best friend of 51 years.  The emptiness in his life now is vast... Each day is a study in loss, from the moment he wakes, alone in the bed they shared, to the dinner for one he eats alone in his study.  The grieving at times is monumental...

Thus we search for ways to walk through the grief to a new normal, a way to find joy in our shared memories, ways to find new meaning in a life altered beyond recognition.

It was Dad who suggested this cruise.  With great trepidation, but also a steely determination.  He needed to face that fear, wanted to continue on as mom had wished.  My brother, Steve, readily agreed to be his "roomy."  And Katie, my daughter, happily agreed to be mine!  No one else in the family could get vacation so quickly, and actually this smaller group was probably a blessing we hadn't considered.  Since none of us was there with our spouse, Dad didn't have to face the journey as the "5th wheel", the newly widowed.  He was just a part of our rag-tag family unit.  Perfect solution to easing into this new stage in his life, traveling solo, without mom...

And the week was marvelous.  Mom would have been so proud of him, after she scolded him for getting the shingles right before the cruise!  We all had our moments, tears were just as much a part of our day as was the laughter.  But the closeness, the sharing was all very much a part of the healing.  This cruise gave promise to better days ahead, not perfect days, but better days.  We saw glimpses of the Dad we thought we had lost when we lost Mom.  And we captured it in pictures - another delightful family vacation!


Lounging on the Beach


Seaside Lunches


Souvenir Shopping


Up Close with the Local Wildlife... Yes, those are Live Iguanas!!!


Exploring Ancient Mayan Ruins


Conquering the Pyramid!  Cue the "Rocky" music...


Charmed by the spring-fed cenote.  Absolutely pristine!


Food, Glorious, Food!  My, oh my, meals were culinary works of art!!


Birthday Shenanigans were all part of the fun...


Our carriage awaits, taking us to beaches of unspoiled beauty...



Opening our hearts to the possibilities of joy beyond the grief...








Thursday, October 20, 2011

Peggy's on the Line

It's been a few days since I've checked in... All's well! Guess we've been out living life instead of writing about it :) But really, I have to be honest, it's all my internet's fault. It's been spitting and sputtering at me for the last 3 days. We are in a love/hate relationship right now. I've tried to keep my feelings bottled up. But they spilled over when "Peggy" answered the technical support line. Things did not go well... I'm typing fast, because you never know when our fragile connection will be severed by the fickle wi-fi box.

So, here's the update. Fast...

Mom has felt really good all week. You go, steroids and marinol! Her appetite is so much better! No vomiting and barely a touch of nausea. Pain under ribcage is still somewhat a bother, but pain meds are keeping her comfortable.

Yesterday was pampering day at the spa... Ahhhhh.... Such indulgence. A bit of shopping and Olive Garden for dinner. Good day.

Today was our weekly appointment with Dr. Davis and chemo. Mom's good friend and neighbor, Pat, came along and helped us laugh the afternoon away. It would have been mom's 3rd round in this cycle, however her platelets were again too low (77). But, Hallelujah, her tumor marker was lower too! Down to 282. Making progress. Other blood work was within norms, but with platelets so low, Dr. Davis called off chemo this week and she just got fluids, Decadron and Kytril. Good combination. We will start a new cycle of Gemzar next Thursday. He was also unruffled by the increase in mom's pain. He doesn't feel it's the cancer spreading, more likely some "irritation" from the stent in her bile duct. Will be watching it carefully, but relieved for now.

Also, good news, for all you weight watchers out there. Her weight gain has been steady and she is now back in the triple digits! Yea! And to continue the trend, we stopped at Central Market today and picked up all sorts of delectable treats. Pumpkin bars, cranberry muffins, russian black bread, lingonberry jelly, bread pudding and creamy mac-n-cheese. Please don't call the nutrition police. We know it's an odd assortment, but it all packed calories and yumminess. We'll get healthy tomorrow and eat our greens!

Of course, I may be eating chocolate, especially if this internet crisis lasts much longer! I have pics to upload from these past days, but the computer-internet wheel has ground to a halt and won't budge no matter how much coaxing and stomping I do. Even the dogs have taken cover under the couch... smile...

Ok, maybe time for a good long walk outside! Breathing deeply of the cool, crisp night air. Tracking a shooting star. Releasing tension bit by bit. Trusting the God of this vast universe to care for the aches of my heart and frustrations of my day. Seemingly trivial to anyone else, but completely significant to Him. Just what this harried soul needs tonight...

Whisper a prayer of thankfulness for all that has been good in your day. My gratitude overflows at mom's continued stability in the face of this aggressive cancer. From God's Healing Hand, we're given physical relief for this day, soul-satisfying peace for tonight, and the promise of the Start-over, Washed clean, Neverending, New Mercies for a New Morning. What Grace...