Meeting our Goliath

He was a young boy really... just a lad.

His older brothers were off to war.  He was stuck behind tending the sheep.  And the women-folk.  And his aging father.  He tried to see the importance in his job, but longed for nothing more than to join his soldier brothers, to feel the heat of battle, to fight for his beliefs.

As the conflict raged on a distant battlefield, those at home began to hear the disheartening reports of trouble on the front lines, whispers of dismaying defeats, and even rumors of retreat.

The father could stand it no longer and sent his young son to carry supplies to his older brothers and bring back word from the front.

With eagerness the lad agreed and flew across the fields arriving only to find the rumors were all true.  The enemy army had his countrymen cowering in fear.

The leader of this enemy band taunted them cruel... shredding their beliefs for all to hear, sparring jagged words of insult and abuse until their confidence and faith was shattered.

As this evil giant of a man grew brave with bullying power, he issued a challenge to all in the land.

“Why bother using your whole army?

Pick your best fighter and pit him against me.

If he gets the upper hand and kills me, we will all become your slaves.

But if I get the upper hand and kill him,
you’ll all become our slaves and serve us.

I challenge you this day.

Give me a man. Let us fight it out together!”

The young boy watched with distress as the mighty army of his ancestors began to back down in defeat. Not even one man stood up...

With a righteous indignation he rose to the challenge and offered himself.

His brothers pulled him back in angry frustration, "What do you think you're doing?" they hissed.

While other soldiers leaned in and dangled sweet promises of riches and bounty should he dare beat the monster in this life-or-death duel.

The boy shrugged off the besetting hands and stood only taller, "Let no man's heart fall because of this giant," his voice compelled the crowd, "Let me go out and fight for our cause."

When the King heard, he had the young lad brought before him.  Seeing his youth and inexperience, the King tried to discourage him from such sure folly, but the lad was insistent and with a heavy heart the King had his armor brought to the boy to wear for what little protection it might offer.

The armor was bronzed metal, helmet and shield with belted sword...a soldier's heavy load, awkward and weighty for this tender shepherd boy.  He was not used to the encumbrance and quickly set it aside, choosing instead his trusty sling and 5 smooth stones...

With the arm of conviction, and a passionate faith in Jehovah God, he lands the stone in the middle of Goliath's forehead.

In that moment, our young herder of sheep became the Slayer of Giants.

*   *   *   *   *

Stepping into the pancreatic cancer treatment arena can feel much like confronting our very own Goliath.  A monster.  A bully.  A cruel giant who dares "Pick your best fighter and pit him against me."

Do we listen to the "brothers" hiss...What are you doing?

Or to the "soldiers" promise... a rich, healthy bounty, dare to dream?...

Perhaps it will be the advice of the "King"... heavy armor to shield you, will the weight hinder or help?

In the arena of Pancreatic Cancer treatments there is a dizzying array of choices:

Traditional  *  Holistic  *  Chemotherapy  *  Alternative

 

Radiation  *  Immunotherapy  *  Clinical Trials  *  Surgery

 

There is a right choice (or two) for you.  And learning as much as you can about your options will give you the power and assurance to make your choice with confidence.  Having a medical oncology team that guides you through these options is so vitally important.  Please know that nothing on this blog replaces the advice of your healthcare team...nothing!  We are sharing the things we have learned along the way on our journey...your journey is unique to you and the tests, treatments and advice should be tailored for your case alone.

 

In the coming weeks, please join me as we explore the pancreatic cancer treatment options that are currently available, even some that are just now in clinical trials (but oh, so promising!).  We'll talk about what they are, their pros and cons and whenever possible hear from pancreatic cancer patients who have tried them.

 

Together we can learn to navigate this pancreatic cancer journey and face our very own Goliaths, with Grace, with Hope, with Confidence.  For as David sang out to his Goliath so long ago...

 

You are challenging me with sword and spear,

But I come to you in the name of ADONAI-Tzva'ot,

the God of the armies of Isra'el.

Today ADONAI will hand you over to me,

For the Battle is the Lord's!

                                     ~I Samuel 17:45-47   

 

It only takes one stone, thrown with conviction, to slay the Giant...

 

The Fight is on!

 

Camouflage Surprises

Sometimes, the beautiful is hidden right before our very eyes...

Our weekend wanderings brought us nose to nose with the most slithery of forest creatures!  How many times have I just walked right on by and missed the delicate designs, glorious in subtle display?

We slowed our steps, loving the fall whisper in the air and marveled at all the treasure!

Lizard stilled, daring not a breath, disappearing into the leaf-strewn landscape...

 

Fuzzy caterpillar, snuggled into the ground, mirroring the brown earth...

 

Baby turtle, trying to hide in the leafy shelter...

 

 

But, oh, dismay over unexpected discovery...

 

 

Dismay turning to fright as Leroy's quick hand averts disaster!

(DO NOT try this at home - he is a trained expert!  Smile!)

 

 

The muted patterns of the snake skin disguised him well amidst the bark mulch and those same patterns heralded a cottonmouth, venomous and dangerous.  But upon closer inspection...

 

The rounded pupils and the yello-green belly indentify this slithery fellow as a Texas Rat Snake, thankfully non-venomous!!

 

 

 

And so, he received an honorary trip to the woods, far, far away from my flower beds!

 

Catch and Release - it was his lucky day...

 

 

As I watched Leroy release the snake, I was amazed at how quickly he disappeared from sight.  Blending in perfectly with his surroundings.  My camera was not quick enough to even catch a glimpse.  Within seconds you would never know he had crossed our paths...

 

And it occurred to me that everyday, there are people who cross our paths, and never register on our radar.

 

They are camouflaged from sight.  Sometimes deliberately.  Shrinking from view.  Still and shadowed.  Barely breathing, lest we notice.  Perhaps out of pain.  Or shame.  The camouflage masking their hurt.

 

And we have a choice.  To open our eyes, to walk slow.  See past the camouflage and be blessed by the beauty...

 

I am reminded of the day mom and I arrived at the chemo lab for her appointment and met Linda (*).  We arrived to an almost empty chemo lab.  Unusual in the extreme.  The lab held over 30 chemo chairs and on most days they were always full.

 

This day, for whatever reason, there were only a handful of patients, and as mom and I settled in, we noticed her sitting across from us.  Her bald head was covered with a Texas Ranger ball cap, a colorful quilt draped across her lap.  I recognized the quilt and knew that we had been there together before.  But I had never noticed the flute that lay in her still hands across the quilt.

 

As mom's gemzar drip began, we bantered with Lance, mom's favorite nurse, and the conversation rolled out to include Linda.   She was quiet, but had a beautiful, shy smile. We asked, of course, about the flute.  She said she loved to play and sometimes, if the lab was empty, she would play to get her mind off the cancer....and the chemo....

 

 

 

And I wondered why I had never noticed her before. 

 

We asked her to play and she demurely declined.  We pressed and "pleased"... She finally agreed.

 

The clear, delicate notes hung in the air and quiet descended upon the few blessed to be there that day.  The melody was hauntingly beautiful, the music taking us beyond the walls of that chemo lab. Beyond the boundaries of cancer...

 

Linda and mom talked long that afternoon, sharing their stories of tumor markers, hospital stays, ups and downs, fears of the future, and the hopes begging to be uttered....things that only 2 cancer patients could truly understand, kindred spirits bonded through the affliction of a terminal illness.

 

I listened and learned much. 

 

This weekend, the story beat a renewed tatoo in the treasure of lizards and snakes, turtles and 'pillars.

 

Never underestimate the camouflage...

 

 

Or you will miss Blessings of Beauty...

 

 

Grace Released,

                         Always, Jane

 

* Name changed

 

 

 

 

 

Focusing on the Fight...

Sometimes life seems to hand you more lemons.  And just when you finally thought you were finished making lemonade...

That appears to be the case for Good Morning America anchor, Robin Roberts.  Several years ago she successfully battled breast cancer, bravely sharing her journey with GMA viewers around the world.  Many of you may have heard her announcement this week concerning a new health crisis.  The following message from Robin appeared on GMA website this past Monday:

 As many of you know, 5 years ago I beat breast cancer. I’ve always been a fighter, and with all of your prayers and support, a winner.

Sometimes the treatment for cancer can cause other serious medical problems. Today, I want to let you know that I’ve been diagnosed with MDS or myelodysplastic syndrome. It's a disease of the blood and bone marrow and was once known as preleukemia.

My doctors tell me I'm going to beat this -- and I know it's true.

If you Google MDS, you may find some scary stuff, including statistics that my doctors insist don’t apply to me. They say I’m younger and fitter than most people who confront this disease and will be cured.

Today, I will start what is known as pre-treatment -– chemotherapy in advance of a bone marrow transplant later this year. Bone marrow donors are scarce and particularly for African-American women. I am very fortunate to have a sister who is an excellent match, and this greatly improves my chances for a cure. As you know from my recent interview with Mark Zuckerberg, organ donation is vitally important. Many people don't realize they can be bone marrow donors. I encourage everyone to sign up on a donor registry like bethematch.org.

I received my MDS diagnosis on the very day that Good Morning America finally beat the Today Show for the first time in 16 years. Talk about your highs and lows! Then a few weeks ago, during a rather unpleasant procedure to extract bone marrow for testing, I received word that I would interview President Obama the next day. The combination of landing the biggest interview of my career and having a drill in my back reminds me that God only gives us what we can handle and that it helps to have a good sense of humor when we run smack into the absurdity of life.

Bottom line: I’ve been living with this diagnosis for awhile and will continue to anchor GMA. I love what I do and the people with whom I do it. Along with my faith, family and friends, all of you at ABC News give me the motivation and energy to face this challenge.

Going forward, it’s business as usual at GMA, which means I’ll be right here every day with George, Sam, Josh and Lara. When I miss a day here or there, I’m fortunate that some very talented friends at ABC News will fill-in. When I undergo the transplant later this year, I’ll miss a chunk of time.

When I faced breast cancer, your prayers and good wishes sustained me, gave me such hope and played a major role in my recovery. In facing this new challenge, I ask humbly for more of your prayers and love – as I will keep you in my mine and update you regularly on my condition.

Love and blessings,

Robin

MDS, Myelodysplastic Syndrome, is a fairly rare complication of chemotherapy treatment for cancer.  And you know, I can't help but thinking how terribly unfair it is.  Cancer of any kind is bad enough.  The harrowing effects of chemotherapy almost as bad, and just when you begin to take a deep breath that the worst is over... MDS rears it's very bad, ugly head.

Enough to make the strongest run for the hills... But, of course, that really isn't an option.  And Robin appears to be facing this fight with the same determination and purpose as her breast cancer diagnosis.  During her on-air announcement this week, she was visibly shaken and emotional, sharing a vulnerability that touched a deep chord.  And then she sat up straighter and said, But, we have to Focus on the Fight, not the Fright.

Focus on the Fight, not the Fright.

What a profound statement for anyone facing the Cancer Battle.  Because of course, fear is such a very real companion on this journey.  It tramples over our Hope, claws its way into our Heart, and takes up residence in our Soul.  We can deny its reality with friends, but in the dark of the night when we lie awake wrestling, the nightmare of this insidious disease leaves its mark.

Maybe the answer is not in Denying the Fright, but in refocusing our energies to the Fight.  Naming the fears, researching the options, preparing your battle plan, leaning on faithful family and friends, these are just a few ways to Focus on the Fight.

Easy?  You know the answer to that.  Someone once said that Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Well, let me say that we must be living some kind of life so far out of our comfort zone!  And truly, we are.  The infinite tenderness and love we shared with mom near the end was Life at its most fundamental and powerful. 

That's the kind of Love that will Focus the Fight and destroy the Fright...

May your Fight be renewed with Grace and Hope.  My Love, Jane

Busy Days!

It's been a busy couple of days for mom. You would never know she was fighting an aggressive battle with cancer by the schedule she's been keeping! Her perseverance, I believe, is due to her amazing will power and mind over matter attitude. So glad she's pushing thru, even with bouts of pain and sleepless nights...

So let's see, on Wednesday, Pat and Ruth took her for her first physical therapy session. I think they had an ulterior motive. They didn't go along just to watch her work up a sweat! They took her to lunch and shopping afterwards! An enjoyable, as well as productive afternoon was had by all!

Mom said physical therapy went well and she was encouraged by the therapist. His name is John and he told her he was pleased with the muscle mass she still had. He acknowledged that she was in negative catabolism, which means her body is now breaking down her muscles because it's already used up all her fat stores. This is a serious problem and is common among many pancreatic cancer patients. It even has a name, catabolic wasting. The trick to handling it, is of course to eat more, and to make every calorie count. Because her appetite is a little better, that's becoming easier to do. John wants her to up her protein intake and continue with exercises at home. In addition she will go in for therapy several times a week. That will strengthen her remaining muscles and increase her stability. What a workout.

Wednesday was definitely a busy day!

Thursday was Chemo Day. Doctor appointments, blood work and chemotherapy make for a long day too! But good news here - blood work was all behaving, chemo was a go! However, the doctor confirmed another side effect that mom has been dealing with. Thrush, in her mouth and throat. She suspected it, he confirmed it. Just when you think you've experienced everything... Now thrush. What next? Oh, nix that question! I don't want to know! Anyway, they caught the thrush early and she is on Diflucan, an antifungal that will take care of the problem. Thank goodness. But, whoa, another pill to add to the regimen!

By the time we got her home, we declared Thursday was really a busy day!

Today, Friday, has been busy too. Mom and Dad packed all morning, then met up with their friends, Manny and Ruth and headed for a week long vacation on Lake Texoma. They are staying at a beautiful resort right on the banks of the lake. Lots of fishing, relaxing, card playing and eating is in the works. But just getting there has made Friday a very busy day!

But.... the next week will be sooooo relaxing! Nothing more strenuous than planning what to have for dinner. Great week is in store for them all. And it's about time. We've had enough of the busy days for awhile!

Praying your week is winding down, and plans are in place for a kicked-back, fun-filled, soul-rejuvenating weekend. May time slow down and moments expand as you Live Life Fully.

Grace to you, Jane

Stepping off the Coaster

Mom has stepped off the "roller-coaster" and left her nausea behind! Yesterday was chemo day and the blessed infusions of Decadron (steroid) and Kytril (anti-nausea med). This stuff is the new Gold Standard in our books! Other good news to report, tumor marker has dropped again. To 301. And her weight is up by 2lbs! The feasting extravaganza from last weekend was a success! Praying for a repeat this coming week.

Continuing on the medical front, Dr. Davis has prescribed oral steroids (dexamethasone) and a new anti-nausea med (compazine) for mom to try at home this week. He is also increasing the Marinol, marijuana derivative, from once a day to twice a day. Oh, the wonders of drugs! But, of course, wonderful only when you're sick... We maintain the Just Say NO! campaign at all times in this family!! No sneaking the marijuana derivative from mom's medicine cabinet!!

Just say NO!

Besides mom needs all the marinol she can get - it does seem to be increasing her appetite and just might be helping with the nausea. So, Go Marinol! Although word is, it's cheaper on the streets, think Dad can cross on over to the dark side?

On a more serious note, I'm sure everyone has heard by now that Steve Jobs lost his battle with pancreatic cancer this week. Our prayers go out to his family as they begin even now to wade through the deep grief of his death.  It somehow feels like a personal loss to us. There's a built-in empathy with other pancreatic cancer sufferers. Common bonds form even when we don't know the person, a sort of cheerleading effect when we see other patients triumph. It's easy to be encouraged and think, if they can do it, I can too. But on the flip side, there's a keen, gut-wrenching disappointment when the cancer wins. Personal doubt. Struggle to make it not so personal. To not make comparisons with his weight loss, his gauntness. To distance ourselves from the loss.

His death is a reminder that this cancer is no respecter of persons. Rich or poor, young or old, black or white, there is no rhyme or reason to who it will strike. And even a brilliant visionary such as Steve Jobs was powerless to beat this disease, to find a cure for this most vicious of cancers.

My prayer is that his story will shed a light on all the thousands who are struggling to survive this cancer. Pancreatic cancer is the 4th leading cause of cancer deaths in the United States, and roughly 40,000 new cases will be reported this year. The death rate for pancreatic cancer this year will reach 37,000 people. Unbelievably this statistic hasn't changed much in the last 20 years, nor have the treatments. Mom is being treated with the most effective chemotherapy available for pancreatic cancer, the same treatment that has been used for the last two decades. More research is imperative, more funding necessary to change these dismal statistics and give pancreatic cancer patients a fighting chance.

Steve Jobs life was extraordinary. As is Mom's life.   As is yours and mine. Each one precious. Don't take a minute, not even a second for granted.  This weekend is the perfect time to breath life in deeply. I'm thanking God for each blessing and every joy He's placed in our path...

May all your Weekend Wanderings be Sweetly Blessed , Jane