Bronnie Ware's list of
top 5 regrets people make on their deathbeds has surely touched a tender place in my heart.
And Bronnie's Regret #4 is probably something all of us can relate to...
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
Someone once said that Fate chooses our relatives, but we choose our Friends. And if you are truly blessed you find that your best friends are your family... Friendships like this are a treasure and worth holding close, but how many of us have indeed let golden friendships slip by over the years? Another casualty of the busy, busy lives we lead.
And holding friends close does take work... but it can be a delightful labor of love!
We are separated now by miles and miles, but the friendships remain close to my heart. I can see how easy it would be to let distance dim the warmth. We don't share the same zip code, the same church, or the same schedules as our dear friends from the metroplex, but we do share the laughter, the jokes, the prayers, the hugs and the love. It is so worth the intentional effort on our part to make time with them a priority. We mark the week on our calendar for next years trip the minute we get home, get the farm-sitter lined up, and start gearing up for the fun.
And yet, these friendships are not just about fun, but about true community. It's not just about being together, but about doing life together. These friends have been there for us in many ways through-out mom's illness. Their prayers, their phone calls, their solid presence through-out the journey. They didn't shy away from the ugly, the painful. As a matter of fact, they walked in when many were walking out... they carried my splintered heart to the throne of Grace on so many occasions. Friends such as these as truly a treasure.
On the day of mom's memorial service, our family was gifted with their love in action. We had just arrived at the funeral home, souls aching and grieved, when the door opened and in walked these angel-friends, carrying plates and plates of home-made cookies and brownies and tea and napkins... in wordless solidarity they set up a buffet and began serving all the family and friends.
Their smiles of encouragement and hugs of love melted all the miles that could have separated us. Their presence helped shoulder the heavy weight of our grief, and I know that this was not a simple thing. It would have been much, much simpler to have just sent flowers or a card. Their gift was intentional and sacrificial and will be remembered for a lifetime.
This is doing life together. Not just when life is good, but when it cracks and hurts and is messy.
This is when treasured friends leave handprints on your heart. It is the sweetest gift.
In the end, it all comes down to love and relationships.
