A Little Bit of Jack Nicholson for the Win...

Sometimes a picture just gets caught in your brain.  Like last night. This iconic image just popped into my head...and it wouldn't leave.  So I'm sharing it with you...you're welcome.

 

Might have been the blog post from yesterday...

 

Or it could have been the guacamole burger from Steak-n-Shake.

 

But I do know that mom really got it.  The truth thing, not the guacamole... She just never said it quite like Jack Nicholson.

 

And the truth about cancer is that it's brutal. And ugly, and more difficult than just about anything we'll ever face this side of heaven.  The truth? Truly, most people just really can't handle it. 

 

Mom understood.  And she didn't fault the friends, and family, who couldn't bear to ask her how she was doing... 

 

And that can make a cancer journey the loneliest walk on this planet.

 

No one should have to do this alone. Ever.

 

So, as the scene with Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson replayed in my mind for the umpteenth time, I realized that there could be A Few Good Men (or Women) out there... Yes?

 

The kind of men (and women) that stand up for right, who hold the line for those in battle, and who put their brave on to walk this cancer road alongside us, no matter how hard the truth is.

 

And I know that if you're reading this, you are one of the Few... True?

 

Might I encourage you this night?  If God has placed you on a path with a beloved cancer warrior, then He put you there for a reason... and He will equip you for the task at hand...your purpose is as easy as it is impossible... Love them with all your heart, no matter how brutal, or ugly or difficult the road.

 

Grace will overcome every heartache...it is the Promise.

 

You can so do this.  I know you can handle the Truth.

 

 

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Ask Me, I Dare You!

I need someone to ask me how I'm doing

and really want to know the answer.

 

 

Early on in Mom's pancreatic cancer journey, she became aware of the need to carefully measure her words and how much she could share depending on who she was with...

After a particularly stressful encounter with a friend over her cancer prognosis, she learned that not everyone wanted or needed to know the truth of her day to day journey...

...especially Sandy (name has been changed to protect friends who are hurting too)... Sandy was a dear neighbor who stopped by shortly after mom's first chemo treatment.  Concerned and caring, she visited with mom about the cancer and asked how mom was feeling.

Mom explained a bit about the chemotherapy protocol, how she would have treatments once a week for 3 weeks and then have the 4th week off to recover before starting the rotation all over again.

Sandy innocently asked how long the treatment would last.

Mom bluntly stated she would be on chemo until she died.

The distress on Sandy's face would have been heart-breaking, if our hearts weren't already broken in two by the nightmare we were already living... At a loss for words, Sandy just burst into tears.

This, of course, made Mom feel even more lousy if that were possible.  Still emotionally raw from her cancer diagnosis, she never imagined how Sandy would react, nor that she would have to put on a brave front before certain friends and family...

And that just stinks.  At her most vulnerable, she was still having to think of others.

It was a hardship we knew she detested, but sheltering others from pain seemed to be a by-product of her "mom" gene. It's what she had always done.

And it seems that this is the way of our society...big sigh... It's just not polite to discuss things like cancer, illness, death or grief with casual acquaintances.

The ubiquitous "How are you?" is more rhetoric than sincere.

The proper response always, "Fine.  And how are you?"

Would it be possible to move beyond such politeness and dig in deep with those suffering?

Could we look at them with the eyes of grace and hold steady while they unburden their pain?

Surely it is the call for each one of us who walks this road alongside the cancer warrior.

And so we have added this admonition to Mom's Letter from the Battlefield...

Ask if you dare,
but be ready for honest, for gritty, for heart-breaking, for messy...
then know that you have offered a deepest grace by helping carry the pain for the briefest of moments.  In this you are offering the sweetest gift of love...

"Carry one another's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ, that is, the law of Christian love."

                    ~ Galatians 6:2, Amplified Bible

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Meet James and Jack

Friends have shared this beautiful photo

and Mom would have loved the pure sweetness of this moment...

 

Hugs just make everything better...

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Sending a Virtual Hug to the Ones we Love

So, let's say the one you love is facing the fight of their lives...and you've paid attention and know they need our hands to hold them together as they battle cancer's overwhelming attacks.

You are also one smart cookie and know their immune system is fragile and they need loving respect for their space and health.

What to do?  You long to be there, love on them fiercely, offer arms of strength and hold the line with them in this forever battle... BUT, that scratchy throat, runny nose, and hacking cough mean you are persona non-grata for the time being.

Enter our favorite idea of the year... Happy Mail!

This is so perfect for the win.  Share a smile, communicate your love, but keep your germs safely quarantined from our cancer warrior.

So, Happy Mail... It is a Virtual Hug sent through the United States Postal Service.

There are many things (fun things) that you can send in the mail just as they are... like a beach ball, or a coconut or a rose in a bottle... no packaging required.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a quirky, fun trend that the postal service (mostly) embraces! Ha!  And AmberLee at the GiversLog has perfected this fun practice.

Here are some of her fun Happy Mail How-To's...

1.  Write the mailing address and return address on the same surface to avoid confusion over who is sending and who is receiving.

2.  Mail that weighs 13 ounces or less qualifies for USPS's wonderful, inexpensive first-class parcel shipping rates.

 3. You can take your mail to the post office desk to be metered or add stamps yourself and drop it in the mailbox.  And yes you can mail things without a box!

For more of her fun, how-to instructions, check here.  And for some great examples of the things you can send, check here! and here!

And Michelle Porucknik shares a fun list of 21 Things You'd Be Surprised You Can Mail.  Who knew?!!  This is such a fun, easy way to bring a smile to our cancer warrior's day!

If you are stumped for ways to show love outrageous when you can't be there, give Happy Mail a try.  It is bound to lift your day just thinking of ways to brighten theirs!


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It's all a Matter of Life and Death...

I need your touch,

and I need my space.

 

I don't believe that I'm overstating this one.  Mom's cancer journey was truly one of so many mountain-top highs and such devastating and heart-breaking lows. 

 

Just as those hugs were a critical factor in her mental and emotional health as she fought the cancer beast... there was something even more critical in her fight, something that actually became a matter of life and death more than once in her journey.

 

And it is this she would share... I need my space.  Or some plain-speak here, Respect My Fragile Health.   Stay away if you are sick, might be sick or even think you were around someone who was sick.  My immune system is gone.  All my fight has been directed at the cancer, there is nothing left over to battle the common cold or argue with your sniffles.

 

And she said this with love.  And a sad smile.  Because it hurt her to hold people at an arm's length and tell them not to come.  She longed to be living life to the full, healthy and whole.  Not hiding in her house, unable to fight off even a simple infection.

 

The chemotherapy treatments were the bad guy here.  While they did an admiral job holding the cancer at bay for a time, they also knocked her immune system out, decimating her white blood cells and leaving her wide open to every nasty bug on the block... 

 

2 instances in particular stand out as we look back at her journey.  The first occurred half-way thru the valley road and brought her out on the mountain top... the second took her straight to heaven's doors... 

 

That first infection occurred about 7 months into mom's pancreatic cancer journey, when she went in for a simple dental cleaning.  But of course, with pancreatic cancer, nothing is ever simple.  She never even thought to tell the dental hygienist about the chemo treatments...critical mistake.  Within a few weeks, she had a complete systemic infection brought on by a teeny-weeny little bacteria that lives in your mouth.  The cleaning had opened a small channel for the bacteria to travel into her bloodstream and what resulted was one very sick momma. 

 

She was surrounded by a host of amazing doctors and medical staff who pulled her wily-nily through that dark valley.  She spent a month in the hospital, many of those days so ill she couldn't lift her head off the pillow.  To say we were distraught wouldn't even come close.  When we were told a simple antibiotic at the time of her dental cleaning could have spared mom all this heartache we shook her heads in disbelief,  it was beyond comprehension...

 

Take note of mom's nightmare and never underestimate the power of those teeny-weeny little bacteria when you have had chemo treatments.

 

Because, you never know when they will win the fight.  It is truly a matter of life and death.

 

And this would be our greatest heartache... to know we might have been able to prevent the opportunistic infection that took mom's life 12 months into her pancreatic cancer journey.  We will never know for sure where she picked up the virulent strain of pneumonia...

 

... might it have been at our Thanksgiving gathering?  Heart-breaking to think it might have been a hug from one she loved so deeply?  Or the quick trip to the store where she insisted on tagging along?  Could that lethal germ have lingered on a shopping cart handle?  Or simply hung in the air, waiting for her frail body to breath it in?

 

We have called it The Perfect Storm.  It wrecks my heart to relive those 7 days... 

 

But it is the Banner we must raise for all who follow behind.  Respect the Space.  Know the despicable power of even one invisible bacteria to the health of the cancer warrior.  It is truly a matter of Life and Death and it is one of the most important things mom would share from her battlefield experience. 

 

Yes, she needs our hugs... But more than that, she needs her space... Give it with Love.

 

  

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The Critical Hug Factor

I need your touch...

 

 

Mom was a hugger.  She loved to wrap us up tight whenever she saw us... the first thing when we got home, always before we left, when we were sad, when we were rejoicing, and sometimes for simply no reason at all except just because she could... 

 

Her hugs were warm, filled with love and life.  They could lift our spirits, change our attitudes and make us laugh.  It was a prescription for a good day, those hugs from mom.

 

And maybe she was on to something... Research has shown just how vital a hug can be.  

 

It seems that hugs can boost our immune system, give a sense of security and increase our serotonin levels to improve our moods.  Hugs help relax our muscles, release tension in our bodies and alleviate pain by increasing circulation into our soft tissue.

 

There's a bounty of good in a generous hug!

 

And when mom received her cancer diagnosis, those hugs became a critical part of her "treatment" plan.

 

Early on in the journey, we realized that her visitors fell into two different categories.  The real, honest-to-goodness huggers and the very real, afraid to touch her pat-ters (the ones who gave a little pat on her shoulder kind of pat-ters).

 

We decided that the pat-ters might be afraid the cancer was contagious.  Which is SO NOT TRUE... but maybe they didn't know that?!

 

Just in case you missed that... PANCREATIC CANCER IS NOT CONTAGIOUS!

 

(Ok, I feel better after getting that message out there)

 

Anyway, after one particularly grueling day of appointments, we arrived home to find a friend bringing her a meal... so very appreciated.  Mom was tired and worn out, but happily reached out to give a hug... the sweet friend immediately began to pat mom on the shoulder, forestalling the hug and said her goodbyes... 

 

That moment grieved mom for days... it was another win for the cancer.  And let me say here, not all cancer warriors feel the same way about hugs.  You may not want to go around hugging every cancer patient you see... that might be creepy.  Just saying... but if you are walking this cancer road with someone you love, don't be afraid to hug tight and close and often.  Hugs are powerful things.

 

For mom, a hug meant so much more than hello or goodbye, or thank you for a meal.

 

It was a connection, a physical affirmation she was important, she was loved, that she could do this. 

 

A lift for her spirits, an encouragement without words...so simple an act, such profound effects.

 

On this Cancer Journey,

Never Forget that a Hug is a Powerful Thing!

 

 

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Battlefield Break...Babies at the Fair

The Texas State Fair is a magical place!  And this past week we got to experience it through the fresh, innocent eyes of this sweet little one...

Even battle-weary soldiers can feel the joy... heading off with excitement for adventures new... 

 

 

And meeting new friends around every corner...

 

Little ones that tickle your fingers...

And Texas-size Big Ones!

 

 

 

Not so fond of Big Tex...his loud voice was "scary"!

 

nor very fond of the caurosel horses either...

 But then we found the real thing, and it was so much better!

 

 

Mesmerized by the beautiful cowgirls and their dashing steeds,

that is, until they dashed off in a rumbling gallop into the arena for their show...

crying may, or may not, have been involved :-(

So we pursued the fair for smaller game and found these sweet chicks...

 

...and this gorgeous mama Frizzle hen!

 

 

(note to self and Farmer husband: Get Frizzles for the Lake Place soon!!) 

And so, a day well spent with this happy little charmer.

Renewed, Refreshed, and Rejoicing in sweet Blessings.

May you find just such joy right where you are this day.

Letting Grace carry the burden...

Love Always, Jane

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