The Collateral Damage of a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis

It's been a hard season... heavy and long... this pancreatic cancer journey...

I've always found that writing in this space was easy, almost cathartic.  Sharing about Mom and her diagnosis began as a way to update our friends and family, there were so many holding the line for us, with prayer and love and a multitude of little graces... the words just poured out.

After her loss, the grief was monumental.

And still the writing helped ease the pain.  For me.

It has been over 6 years since we've said goodbye.  So much has changed, but for Dad, her loss and the pancreatic cancer nightmare seem to be as fresh as if they just happened.  The wounds are deep.  Married 51 years... the emptiness has been immense.

His health has declined, the COPD has worsened, the heart has weakened.  We have rallied around him, time and time again.

My brothers and I have worried, we have prayed, oh, how we have prayed, we have struggled, we have cried...

More and more the work of helping dad has fallen on me.  His doctor visits, his weekly infusions, his errands... settling him in to the Assisted Living Center... listening to his frustrations...over and over again...

And the truth is... Dad is getting weaker, and more critical and more difficult to deal with week to week.  He rails at the changes that fate (and pancreatic cancer) have brought to his life.  Losing mom is a hurt that we can't heal...

We have learned that Pancreatic Cancer doesn't just affect the patient... the collateral damage we've all experienced has been brutal.

So many times we have whispered into the darkness, if only mom were still here.

If only she had been spared, she would be here loving him, caring for him... and he would be so content... the broken heart a grief he would never experience.

But we are now the caretakers and he is far from content.

Collateral Damage.  We are walking through the minefield of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis and the aftermath of its vicious assault.

I love him utterly and my soul weeps over the changes we are all facing... the words fail me.

This weekend past we traveled north to visit family and while channel surfing the radio as the miles sped by, a song crackled to life that ministered truth... and amazingly it was a country music station... go figure!

Thank you Dierks Bentley... you may never have imagined your romantic ballad could speak to our hurting hearts and encourage this daughter to stay the course...

It's a long trip alone...

No one should ever have to travel this journey alone.  Lyrics that turn the bitter to sweet...

So maybe you could walk with me awhile,

Maybe I could rest beneath your smile.

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold,

'Cause it's a long trip alone."

Pancreatic cancer can leave scars, can tear the heart,  but it can never sever the love.

I hear the echo of scripture for this journey...

"For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow;

but woe to him that is alone when he falleth,

and who hath not another to lift him up!"

                             ~ Eclesiastes 4:10

Maybe we could walk together for awhile and lift each other up...

Resting beneath your smile

and reaching out a hand to hold as we travel this road.

That is Grace for the Journey...

Splash Pads and Starbucks...

Texas in May... it's been a HOT May.  Like really Hot...

So it's no surprise that an invite to the newest Splash Pad with some cute grandkids just made my day!

So Much Fun!

And after all that fun, we piled into the car and stopped at the nearest Starbucks for cake pops and Frappuccino's (if there was a Dairy Queen closer it might have been ice cream and Blizzards, just saying!)...

But that Vanilla Bean Frappuccino was the perfect closer to a morning in the sun.

And in a blink, I was reminded that Pancreatic Cancer rages on.

The headlines blare the news that the former CEO of Starbucks has lost his battle with the disease.  Pancreatic cancer continues to devastate lives... 

While we enjoy the sweet treats at our local Starbucks, Orin Smith leaves behind a family that will miss him every day... Every. Single. Day.

And there are so many others... Wives, Husbands, Sons, Grandmothers, Friends, Loved Ones... so many that never make the news, except for the families that fight shoulder to shoulder with them against a cancer that takes no prisoners.

For so many the only notice the newspapers give them will be the obligatory obituary for the grieving family.

And the heart hurts...

For each one touched by this cancer. 

Praying Grace and Strength and Hope over the hurt and the loss... sometimes there are just no words to wrap up the sadness into a pretty ending. 

Walking out this pancreatic cancer journey with the grit and determination born out of a promise that we never walk alone...

"This is My command: be strong and courageous.  Never be afraid or discouraged because I am your God, the Eternal One, and I will remain with you wherever you go."
                                                                       ~ Joshua 1:9

Mother's Day Reflections...

This... Thoughts from a mother's heart... So beautifully said... Words of truth...

Being a Mother of Kids Who Can Die Young

Most of us cannot imagine being a mother who could lose her child.   Ann shares what it is like to be a mother of children with serious health conditions.  Where hugging a son good-night means knowing there is a 1 in 20 chance he may die in his sleep.  Where learning that their tiniest daughter... born with half a heart, must wait for a heart transplant... and she begs for More Time... breathing in the moments and memorizing each face with a tender fierceness. 

Ann's post is poignant and touches a chord that can resonant with each of us.  For as she explains, "The shadow of death is a strange friend: it wakes you to savouring life and every minute."

When we walked with mom through her pancreatic cancer journey we too found that the moments became so much more precious the faster they dwindled.  The inconsequential faded away and our time together focused on the only things that mattered... deeply loving one another.  I am beyond blessed to have had that time with her.  Perhaps that is why Ann's story touches me so much...


“Getting to love you makes me the luckiest.
Getting to witness your brave gives me strength to bear whatever comes.
Getting to receive your grace makes me only want to give more.
And getting to be with you, ever, whenever, however, makes everything worth it — because you are worth everything.”
                                                        ~ Ann Voskamp

Celebrating the seconds and minutes and hours and weeks, and prayerfully, the years that we get to love the ones given to us... It is the most awesome of privileges to embrace each moment, knowing how fleeting the time can be...

When we know we only get so much time — all our sacrifices are made into gifts that we get."  ~ Ann Voskamp

And loving is the sweetest gift of all...

In Grace tonight,

Love, Always,

Jane

Living with Pancreatic Cancer

Be kind to every one you meet.

It is more true every day that I live... For everyone is bearing burdens, some harder than we can even imagine...

Cally Adams is an oncology nurse and she knows about cancer.  In the twisted way of life, her sister, Sarah, was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Cally has been by her side throughout treatment, and not long ago, she shared her heart in such a transparent way.  The resilience, the shock, the love and the heartache.  Oh and it just breaks me... if pancreatic cancer has touched you, then perhaps you have walked in her shoes and  know what it means to be living with purpose and intent even in the midst of the nightmare...



"I know what it’s like to feel like you’re in a nightmare every single day. And that somehow, between feeling like you’re living a nightmare and hoping for a miracle, you are supposed to continue to work, pay bills, eat well, exercise, sleep well, be kind and understanding of others and their needs, answer texts and phone calls, keep people updated, make appointments and keep them, be a good wife and mom to your toddler – and oh, put a smile on your face even when your heart is breaking."

                                                                               ~ Cally Adams


Living under the black mantle of pancreatic cancer brings a heaviness, a bleakness, that few talk about.  Sometimes there are no words... just shoulders to lean on and arms to hold... And the pain is not exclusive to the cancer warrior.  So many are walking out the grief of other battles... perhaps the shadow of divorce, or an child's addiction, or the wrenching loss of a loved one...

Lifting up all the Sarah's and the Cally's and the loved ones fighting these Battles. Every. Single. Day.  May there be Light and Grace and Hope to carry you through the Heartache.

You do not battle alone.

Always,
Jane

Bees, Knees and a Wee, Little Cruise!

What a busy season this has been... Taking a minute to catch up on all the news... and then back on track with spreading hope for the pancreatic cancer journey.

Over the past few months, the Farmer has had some knee swelling and pain... rest and ibuprofen weren't enough.  The doctor confirmed a torn meniscus and scheduled surgery this month past.

So off we go to prepare for a knee repair day surgery, a little downtime, a bit of therapy, and hopefully a knee that will be as good as new soon... But not before smoke interrupted our plans!

Fire at the Creek!

We were too discombobulated to take pictures of the angry flames and billowing smoke... with the blustery wind and dry brush of a spring not yet in bloom, we had scary visions of the fire climbing the hill to our very new and "made-of logs" cabin!

We are very, very thankful for the fast response of our tiny, rural volunteer fire department!  They are rock-stars!

The burn area was safely confined to the creek bottom!

So, crisis averted, off we go to clean up and get back to the business of the Farmer's knee surgery.

And then a Wee, Little Cruise with Poppy and the family to recuperate!

A relaxing Cruise to tropical ports of call is the best medicine!  Just sayin'... :-)

Throw in some fabulous fun with family and life is good!

Now, we're back home with our nose to the grindstone... Lol!

Oh!  And the Bees?  Yes, we have become new BeeKeepers!

The bees are a great addition to the homestead, and we are looking forward to a sweet, golden reward come late summer!  A neighboring Bee Keeper has been mentoring us and the education has been amazing... More on the Bee Journey in days to come!

We are Graced to be Home, more than grateful for each and every Blessing along the way,

Love, Always,

Jane

FlaxSeedOil2 Forum

The FlaxSeedOil2 Forum could really be called the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Budwig Diet Protocol."  It is an amazing resource!  Last month David shared about his journey with pancreatic cancer  and one of the treatment decisions he has made is to follow the Budwig Diet protocol.  He mentioned the FlaxSeedOil2 forum on yahoo and here is how to access the wealth of information on this dedicated forum...

Click here at FlaxseedOil2 to check them out.  It is free to join the group, just click on the + Join Group and enter your information.  The members are amazingly generous with encouragement, information and support.

FlaxSeedOil2 is owned and moderated by Sandra Olson.  From their group description she shares:

   "The purpose of this group is to stop cancer and other health problems through the discussion of Dr. Johanna Budwig's Diet and Protocol and compatible treatments. Members give personal experiences and information for educational purposes. This should not be taken as medical advice. If medical advice is needed, it should be sought from those who are qualified. Everyone is responsible for their own choices.

FlaxSeedOil2 is one of the best sources of reliable information on the Budwig Protocol..."

I have joined the group and found much to inspire.  In particular, the moderator clearly lays out the 15 Key Points of Dr. Budwig's Plan... it is easy to understand and is so very do-able.

The 15 Key Points are based on Dr. Budwig's books:

The Oil-Protein Cookbook

and

Cancer-the Problem and the Solution

In addition, Sandra offers a wealth of information at her website:

Budwig - Videos, Healing Recipes for Healthy Living

I encourage you to spend time exploring these resources.  In the name of transparency, there is a small fee to watch the videos, but if this is a protocol that speaks to you, I would be the first to say it is well worth it for the abundance of information and recipes the site provides.

As we navigate the minefield of pancreatic cancer, we find Hope in journeying together... sharing the good, praying through the bad, and above all offering Grace for the struggling.

David has found success in combining the Budwig Diet Protocol with his cancer treatment and urges all fellow cancer warriors to "inform yourself as much as possible - don't let your treatment happen to you - be in control - that's very calming."

There is power in knowledge... may these links offer more avenues of research and help guide your own treatment plan.  And as always, talk with your medical team before adding/changing anything in your therapy protocol!

So humbled to be walking out this journey with you,

In Grace, Always,
Jane

Sign it with Excellence...