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Monday, October 29, 2018

Redeeming the Pain...

There's a bit of irony in writing tiny little blog posts in an obscure corner of the web... I'd like to think I was writing for you, for the other cancer warriors in the battle... but it turns out that mostly I'm finding my way back to Hope.

The writing has been a balm to this sore heart... losing mom was a singular event that has colored all my thoughts since then.  The writing, well, it has helped unravel what has tangled my soul.

And this 31 Days series?  This one on Stories of Love?  It has fleshed out one of my biggest issues.

In post after post, these anecdotal ramblings, the central theme of Fear has leapt off the page...

Over and Over... Here and Here...

Fear can keep you hobbled.  Afraid to move.  Or even breathe...

And this pancreatic cancer journey, it has been laced with Fear, from the very first moment we heard the diagnosis.  Walking out the hard grace with mom was a daily exercise in giving that Fear to God and trusting that His Grace would see us through.

It didn't change the suffering, or the pain, or even the path.

The cancer didn't miraculously disappear.  The unknown gnawed at us constantly.  The questions multiplied often leaving us with more dread than hope.

Fear.  It was a persistent companion.

It brought about a unique kind of pain and heartache.  Hard to enjoy the fleeting moments when fear has you in a death grip...

Maybe that's why the rambling writings have helped.  It has been an outlet of sorts for the pain, the hurt, the suffering... and in sharing it has brought countless blessings in the shape of friends and fellow cancer sojourners... the ones who understand what we're going through... the fellow sufferers who get the heart of it when the words are clumsy...


So, I guess it could be said that you all have been a huge part of this girl finding her way out of Fear to a place of Blessed Hope and Joy again.

Maybe there is still much to be reckoned with, I am forever a mess, but one thing that I believe with all my heart is how God can use all of our suffering for His Glory.. in this instance, by helping us connect with others that we would've never met otherwise.

This is a beautiful part of our Story, yours and mine, for we never travel alone.  God's gracious gift of His Presence in and through His people.  You, my friends are Blessing sweet...

Warrioring on in Hope,
Always,
      Jane


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