The writing has been a balm to this sore heart... losing mom was a singular event that has colored all my thoughts since then. The writing, well, it has helped unravel what has tangled my soul.
And this 31 Days series? This one on Stories of Love? It has fleshed out one of my biggest issues.
In post after post, these anecdotal ramblings, the central theme of Fear has leapt off the page...
Over and Over... Here and Here...
Fear can keep you hobbled. Afraid to move. Or even breathe...
And this pancreatic cancer journey, it has been laced with Fear, from the very first moment we heard the diagnosis. Walking out the hard grace with mom was a daily exercise in giving that Fear to God and trusting that His Grace would see us through.
It didn't change the suffering, or the pain, or even the path.
The cancer didn't miraculously disappear. The unknown gnawed at us constantly. The questions multiplied often leaving us with more dread than hope.
Fear. It was a persistent companion.
It brought about a unique kind of pain and heartache. Hard to enjoy the fleeting moments when fear has you in a death grip...
Maybe that's why the rambling writings have helped. It has been an outlet of sorts for the pain, the hurt, the suffering... and in sharing it has brought countless blessings in the shape of friends and fellow cancer sojourners... the ones who understand what we're going through... the fellow sufferers who get the heart of it when the words are clumsy...
So, I guess it could be said that you all have been a huge part of this girl finding her way out of Fear to a place of Blessed Hope and Joy again.
Maybe there is still much to be reckoned with, I am forever a mess, but one thing that I believe with all my heart is how God can use all of our suffering for His Glory.. in this instance, by helping us connect with others that we would've never met otherwise.
This is a beautiful part of our Story, yours and mine, for we never travel alone. God's gracious gift of His Presence in and through His people. You, my friends are Blessing sweet...
Warrioring on in Hope,
Always,
Jane
1 comment:
It is no secret that I have a very deep and personal relationship with God. I have pushed and resisted that relationship this past year through all the bullshit I have had to go through living with Herpes but once again, God is bigger than my stubbornness and broke through that outbreak cold sore and all I had Genital Herpes. For me personally, hearing over and over how I am not good enough has really invaded my mind in the worst way possible. I completely shut down and I was just waking up like is this how life going to end this temporary herpes outbreak “fuck everybody with herpes if you know what I mean” but let's be honest here...
It is cowardly to say no to herbal medicine. It is fear based. And it is dishonest to what my heart wants. Don't build a wall around yourself because you are afraid of herbals made or taking a bold step especially when it's come to health issues and getting cured. So many young men/ women tell me over and over that Dr Itua is going to scam me but I give him a try to today I feel like no one will ever convince me about herbal medicine I accept Dr Itua herbal medicine because it's cure my herpes just two weeks of drinking it and i have been living for a year and months now I experience outbreak no more, You can contact him if you need his herbal medicine for any such diseases like, Herpes, Parkinson, Diabetes, Hepatitis, Syndrome, Cancers, HIV, Epilepsy, Infertility, and any kind of disease & Infections Love Spell,. Email..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com then what's app.+2348149277967.... My advice to any sick men/women out there is simple... Be Always an open book. Be gut wrenching, honest about yourself, your situation, and what you are all about. Don't hold anything back. Holding back will get you nowhere...maybe a one way ticket to lonelyville and that is NOT somewhere you want to be. So my final truth...and I'm just starting to grasp this one..
Post a Comment