The Purpose of Life...

And Then...

If each of us live long enough, we are bound to encounter seasons of pain and suffering.

I knew that was true.  Sort of.

For the first 51 years of my life, the only real problems I suffered through were inconsequential, the hardships of budgeting for new tires (instead of a new couch) or the 2 year old tantrums that demanded cake (instead of green beans).  Really, to be honest, life was easy. happy. good.  Family Get-Togethers.  Birthday Celebrations.  Job Promotions.  More smiles than tears those first 51 years.

And then... Cancer.

Mom's pancreatic cancer diagnosis shattered that naive, confident, easy-breezy view of life. The problems of the before melted into trivial.  In moment's of sheer honesty, we'd go back in a heartbeat and live an entire lifetime dealing with the tears of 2 year old tantrums instead of the soul-crushing anguish of that cancer journey.

Perhaps you are struggling through a period of profound pain and suffering too.  Could be life has coasted along smoothly...until a Divorce, or Job Loss, or a shattering personal pain.

Cancer ushered in a season of intense grief, heartache and loss in our family.

It was Suffering on a scale that we had never before experienced.

I heard an interview on the radio the other day, didn't catch all of it, but the gist of it was that Suffering can be a Gift.

Caught my attention alright.  Denial was immediate.

Then I started listening (wish I could link the show, but don't have the name, please forgive)... and after a few minutes I was swayed to begin to look at suffering in a new way...

When pain and suffering take us to the end of ourselves... When the hurt and loss push us to question everything we once thought certain... maybe here it is where growth can turn the suffering into gift, the heartache into fruit... maybe...

I listened on to the wise counsel on suffering and began to engage just a bit, perhaps the seasons of hardship and pain can shepherd us to a better place.  And I remembered a quote by Josh Shipp:

You either get bitter - or you get better...

There is a question there... During what seasons have we grown the most?  Seasons of rest and happiness?  Or seasons drawn from pain and suffering?

What season pushed me to choose?  Get Bitter? or Get Better?

For me, it was the cancer journey. 

And the growth didn't happen all at once, or even in big, mind-boggling ways.  It wasn't like we somehow had arrived at suffering well.  Actually it was quite the opposite.  We fought the suffering part tooth and nail.  I think you could say we were in denial until mom's final breath.

But...

Looking back, I can see now that the growth, the changes, the strengthening... it was happening in so many small ways, hidden lessons in darkness, that have born fruit in the light.

We grew closer to the Lord.  I will never read scripture again without feeling the anguish of Christ's loss at the tomb of Lazarus... or his desolate cry in the garden of Gethesmane... oh Lord, we prayed too that our cup of suffering would pass us by.  There was a growing understanding of the depths of Christ's Love and Compassion.  A trust in His promise to never leave us nor forsake us.  And a growing step of faith to lay down our will for the perfect will of the Fathers.

Our eyes were opened in earnest to those who walked this road of suffering alongside us.  An outpouring of gratitude that we would never have felt if the cancer journey had never happened.  There is a blessing so infinitely sweet in the arms that held us during those grief-filled days and nights.  That Love healed our shattered hearts when I thought we would never smile again.

In walking through that dark Shadow Valley, we learned above all to trust in God's Faithful Goodness.  If we had never experienced the valley road, we wouldn't understand His utter goodness in making a way where there seemed to be no way.  We are confident that His grace walked that road with us and safely brought us though the overwhelming darkness.

And that lesson compels us to continue sharing our story.  The pain and suffering can be redeemed in the Hands of Grace... Greg Laurie speaks it well:

So, perhaps there is a truth in that suffering can be a gift, of sorts.

 And the thought made me dig deeper.  For I would never wish to elevate the cancer... it was the circumstance, yes, that threw us into a year of devastating loss, but I believe the choice to get Better came not from the cancer journey, but from the solid foundation of support surrounding us.

Because, if we are honest, pain and suffering can hollow out a soul and start a spiral down into a dark, dark pit that can swallow us whole.

What makes the difference?  To get Bitter... or get Better?

Time gives perspective as we've journeyed through this season.  It is not the same for everyone, this I know.  We all ride the waves of pain and suffering in very personal ways. Yet, I've seen a common thread in those who seem to suffer well, or as our radio host put it, those who find hope in the midst of suffering.

For us, the hope found root in a network of support. And others echo this truth.

The structure of community was our lifeline.  Loved ones stood in the gap for us, continually drawing our gaze back to Christ.  When we couldn't find the words, they humbly shouldered the grief and walked out love in our lives.

Within that community of support, we were given valuable coping techniques.  Each one gently offering their own experiences as a map for this valley road. Some tips were spot on, some advice perhaps not as useful to us, but all had merit and showed us a more excellent way to live life well, even in the midst of excruciating pain and suffering. 

One of the things that helped the most was taking a step of courage and meeting with the sweetest grief counselor.  Not easy.  And yes, I spent many of our sessions knee-deep in soggy kleenex, but, oh, the growth that came from those talks.  It was a gift, and a push, and utter encouragement to lay down our circumstances and choose Better, not Bitter.

Each of us will find the path that is right for us... when we make a conscious choice to take the next step... and the next, and the next.  Choosing Better over Bitter when we can.  Choosing to rest in Grace when we can't.  Cry, Breathe, Ask for help, Trust, Take the step... it is the way of living on this valley road.

Perhaps our suffering can be the catalyst for the kind of growth we could never have imagined. 

Trusting in the One who knows our suffering and Chooses Goodness every time.  That perhaps is the greatest gift of all...

Love, Always,
Jane

Happy 4th of July!

Today we Celebrate our Nation's Freedom

and

Honor the Brave Men and Women

who have fought to Preserve & Defend it!

Grateful and Humbled every day

for God's outpouring of Grace and Blessing

upon this beautiful land!

Be safe, Be kind,

Be the light someone needs desperately to see,

Love, Always,

                      Jane

Be strong...

Dream. Struggle. Create. Prevail.

We can all find ourselves somewhere here in the midst...

Are you dreaming? Or Struggling?

Creating? Prevailing...

May Grace give the strength to reach for that which dares our souls.

You are Strong.  You are Brave.

You are so very Loved.

Fear No More...

Sometimes a song can just speak the words we can't find.

Building 429 has nailed it with one of their newest releases, Fear No More... the lyrics stopped me in my tracks the other day.  Speaking a genuine hope over the pain of our cancer journey. We have it on replay here at the lake.

It means even more after hearing the story behind the song...

Those lyrics, the reason this one song has rung truth for me... Cancer has a way of stripping away all the superficial, the inconsequential and trivial things in our lives and makes us face the hard questions... each verse is a glimpse of our struggle, the answers to our cry when it was all out of our hands...

VERSE 1

I'm wishing I could see the finish line

Where this ends, where it lands

Guess I lost my vision when the pain set in.

PRE-CHORUS

Can I believe

When I don't see

Can I really let it be

Out of my hands

When it's out of my hands

CHORUS

This isn't what I'd choose

But it's where I'm finding you

When I'm broken and undone

Your mercy's just begun

You overcome my doubt

Your hands are reaching out

You hold me through the storm

And I will fear no more.

VERSE 2

Can't look into the future but

I know where you have been

Before me, after and always within

PRE-CHORUS

Can I believe

When I don't see

Can I really let it be

Out of my hands

When it's out of my hands

CHORUS

This isn't what I'd choose

But it's where I'm finding you

When I'm broken and undone

Your mercy's just begun

You overcome my doubt

Your hands are reaching out

You hold me through the storm

And I will fear no more.

BRIDGE

I'm not giving up

I'm giving in

To what You've planned

For Your Glory

CHORUS

This isn't what I'd choose

But it's where I'm finding you

When I'm broken and undone

Your mercy's just begun

You overcome my doubt

Your hands are reaching out

You hold me through the storm

And I will fear no more.

Might you be encouraged this night, for it is true... when we are broken and undone, His mercy has just begun... we need fear no more.

All My Love, Always,
Jane

Finding Grace in the Shadow Valley

How do you even breathe after a pancreatic cancer diagnosis?

The mind and heart can shut right down when this cancer comes to shatter your life.  We know.  It can be a living nightmare... an all-consuming darkness that threatens to extinguish any light of hope. 

If pancreatic cancer has touched your life in some way, then perhaps our book, Finding Grace in the Shadow Valley, will offer hope as you journey.

It is the story of our walk into the dark pit of a terminal cancer diagnosis and the Grace that carried us through...

In November of 2010, cancer interrupted our very comfortable, extremely ordinary lives with a vengeance when our mom was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer.  I believe it was the moment our Shadow Valley walk began.

Finding Grace is written as a diary of sorts… the day to day battles, the difficult decisions, the roller-coaster ride of a cancer treatment… we share our heart, the emotional questions, the hard answers.

We also recount the joy and grace that surrounded us in the midst of the terrifying darkness.

This is the story of Finding Grace in the midst of a cancer diagnosis and the way it changes how we live out our stories.

If you are wondering what it is like to walk this valley road, if you are desperate to find hope for yourself or a loved one, we pray this book will offer a light for your path.

We are humbled to know that mom’s story has resonated with so many.  Perhaps it is as one reader so aptly put, “It is good to know that I am not alone.”

Yes, It is good to know we are not alone.   We are walking hand in hand, taking a journey together that none of us wish to take.  Never doubt that Grace walks that road too, each and every step, right alongside us.

Finding Grace… it is what makes facing those horrific days possible.

And it brings Hope to the Shadow Valley every. single. time.

Available Now

@ amazon

Protect Life or Pursue It?

When mom embarked on her journey with pancreatic cancer, I'll be honest... Our primary, and only, objective was to protect
and preserve her life in any way possible. 

The end goal was always full healing... finding the cure to beat the detestable disease that had her in its cruel grip.

We lived, breathed, and slept with the belief that if we just searched long enough, and prayed hard enough, we'd be able to keep mom safe from harm, wholly protected.

It was a hard fall, that awakening to the reality of our losing battle.  Mom accepted the terminal prognosis long before any of us could see the truth behind the solemn words of her diagnosis:

You have inoperable pancreatic cancer... 

And I can't say that we really ever accepted it.  Until her last breath we prayed for a miracle.

It has taken time to give perspective to the fight.  Our pastor shared a message several weeks ago that profoundly changed my outlook on the way we live life well.

{Spoiler Alert:  Mom figured it out much more quickly than we did!}

The passage came from a familiar scripture:

"Whoever finds their life will lose it,
and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

~ Matthew 10:39

Here in the gospel account, we find Jesus sending out the Twelve disciples, and we can almost hear the authority in his voice, the heaviness in his instruction. These 12 were, for the most part, uneducated commoners, a ragtag bunch of men, called out for a life they surely felt ill-prepared to handle.  

And yet Jesus sent them out with a paradox.  Perplexed, yes, I imagine they were.

Finding our Life... only to lose it?   Losing our Life...to find it? 

We see now in hindsight, Christ's redeeming plan... we understand through the prism of a cross, an empty tomb, a risen Savior.  But these Twelve?  The riddle must have been confounding...

It never occurred to me that we struggle with the paradox still today.

Searching in panic for treatments, cures, a way out of the pancreatic cancer nightmare.  We sought Life, wanted to protect what we held in our arms.

Our pastor asked a pointed question:

Do you seek to protect Life or pursue it?

Maybe there is a glimmer of truth breaking through...

The Passion translation speaks it plain:

"All who seek to live apart from me will lose it all.  But those who let go of their lives for my sake and surrender it all to me will discover true life!"

~ Matthew 10:39

There are two ways to view life, there are those who protect it, and those who pursue it.

On which camp do we stand?

Protecting life at all costs

or

Pursing it with abandon for His sake?

Mom chose well.  In choosing Christ, she was freed from the meaningless chase of  finding life to the satisfying walk of  living an Abundant Life.

Yes, she still sought treatment, and yes, still prayed for a cure, but was at peace with the truth that she could let go of this life, knowing full well that the riches of eternity far out-weighed anything we were trying to protect in the here and now.

For Christ's sake those who lose their lives will find it...

Abundant Treasure!

And that's Grace enough for this day,

Always,

      Jane