The Cyclone of Fear

Do you have someone in your life that you are losing?  Are you watching cancer, or dementia or drug addiction or old age robbing you of your loved one... struggling to hold on to them with all you  have, while their sweet love, their strength, and even their very presence are slipping away?

If so, then you know the face of fear... and you are not alone.

Anyone who is caring for a loved one knows that peculiar taste of dread, the clench of worry, the cold sweat of fear.

We live in a realm restricted by time...we celebrate the day of our birth, measure our life by years, live our moments in sync with the rising of the sun, gauge our vacations in paid-time-off and even discipline our little ones with time-outs...

And so it was for me that the fear took a fever hold when I realized that time with mom was dwindling.  As we journeyed with mom and the pancreatic cancer, the fear hit hardest when the statistics and prognoses got real... this disease was terminal.  The reality was that mom was dying...and there was coming a time she would be gone from my life.  Forever.  Never coming back.   Not even for one more kiss on the cheek, or to whisper one more I love you... Her body, her voice, her laugh, her touch...would be gone from this space...

Gone From My Life.

And I panicked.  The thought of losing her completely was impossible to face.

Fear was a living breathing thing.  I remember feeling physically sick with dread over that coming day.   It took over my life...

Fear.  It is a part of the Caregiver's Life. 

There is the Fear of losing that loved one.

There is the Fear of failing...your loved one, yourself...

There is the Fear of the unknown.

There is so much Fear that accompanies a terminal diagnosis.  And it can consume your life.

Corrie ten Boom describes it perfectly:

“Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.” 

 

Fear.  It was like a Cyclone in my life.  Ravaging and Destructive.  Shattering whatever Peace there might have been... 

 

And as we have done so often since mom's diagnosis, we sought to understand.  We researched.  We talked.  But the fear hung on, overwhelming my feeble attempts to find relief...holding Peace hostage.

 

Finally I talked with a grief counselor.  That first step was hard.   I cried the entire hour as I hiccuped through mom's story and our family's journey.

 

But in the ensuing weeks, Grief became a known thing.  Fear revealed its ugly self.  And we began to really face the truth of life with a terminal illness. The counselor shared with me...

 

*  the stages of grief

*  the reality of anticipatory grief

*  ways to cope with the fear and grief

*  God's heart for the grieving

 

The time spent with the counselor was a Mercy Gift for me.  It lessened the grip of fear in my life over losing mom.  And it put into place a strong desire to Live Life Well... for mom and with mom... for whatever precious time we were given.

 

It was Grace.  It was Life.  It was Peace.

 

One of the counselor's favorite verse's was found in Isaiah 45:3:

 

"I will give you the treasures of darkness,

riches stored in secret places."

 

She said this verse spoke deeply to her after her own daughter had died suddenly ... during her dark days of grieving, God gently revealed Himself, sharing Riches of Peace and Goodness, that could only come from His Sovereign Hand...

 

Walking through the Fear of losing mom sent me indeed into some very dark places.  Perhaps you've been there too.  Fear will do that to a person.

 

And Fear just doesn't want to let go.  It is like the monster under our kids' beds.  Its stranglehold of power is fueled not by what's really there, but by the what-ifs and what-might-be. It takes a conscious effort to trade the worry and the dread for the assurance of Peace in God's Perfect Plan.

 

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

                                                          ~ Corrie ten Boom

 

That Corrie ten Boom... I think she really gets it... her story of Faith, Forgiveness and God's Goodness is an incredible inspiration for hearts like mine.  In the Hiding Place, she shares a journey so harrowing few of us could imagine...and yet, God's Love shines straight through to light the way for all who are overcome by the Cyclone of Fear.

 

God's Grace, His Richest Treasure, is just waiting to calm the storm and lay Peace down over our Fearful Hearts.

 

Finding treasures even in the darkest storm,

                                   Only by God's Amazing Grace,  Jane