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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Mother of All Guilt Trips

Grandma Inga was an expert on guilt tripping...

 
4 Generations (Grandma Inga is on the far right)
 
I love this picture...for so many reasons.  It is of course amazing to pull off the 4 generation thing.  But I so love my dazed expression...sandwiched between Grandma Martha and my mom.  What was my 4 year old brain thinking?  Perhaps I was having issues with my Dutch Boy haircut.  Hello?  Is that even attractive?   But I absolutely love Grandma Martha in her apron and then Mom and Grandma Inga with their corsages.  And I know what Grandma Inga was getting ready to say...
 
"The kids have grown so much since I last saw them... I'll never live to see them in kindergarten."
 
She did.
 
Then the lament, "I'll never live to see them graduate from high school."
 
She did.
 
Pulling off a raspy whisper after Grandpa passed, "I know I'll never live to see you all married."
 
She did.
 
And of course a tearful, "I'll never live to see my great-grandchildren."
 
She did.
 
 
 
Grandma Inga surrounded by her 4 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren!
 
We all just loved her to pieces, but she had definitely perfected the manipulation by guilt routine.  All I ever needed to learn about guilt, I learned at her knee.
 
And I learned well.  I wallowed in guilt over everything...
 
Guilt that I didn't get up to see her often enough.
 
Guilt when I (over)indulged on that luscious chocolate chip cheesecake. (oh my, it was so worth it!)
 
Guilt that I didn't remember my best friend's birthday (sad, sad face)
 
Guilt that I didn't try hard enough to get that college scholarship.
 
Guilt that I didn't volunteer in the church nursery when the plea went out (I will do a month of penance, just please, not the nursery!)
 
And then when I became a mother...deep breath...my walk with guilt morphed into overdrive...
 
Guilt that I was too strict, too lenient, too tired, too bossy, too much, not enough... And as it turns out, my kids actually survived their mother's inept attempts at raising them (gratitude abounds for a faithful God...and a patient, loving, extremely grounded husband.)
 
So with this track record, are we surprised that Guilt tracked me into my Caregiver journey?
 
I am nothing if not consistent...which would make me happy if it wasn't so depressing!
 
And I'm finding that many, many other Caregivers deal with the same thing.  Guilt over not spending enough time with their loved one.  Then Guilt for not taking better care of their own family.  Guilt for not being able to ease their pain.  Guilt for resenting their new role as Caregiver.  Guilt for missing a new symptom.  Guilt for missing their anniversary.  Guilt for enjoying a day out with friends.
 
Guilt that is serious and Guilt that is ridiculous and Guilt that is so often very misplaced.
 
Guilt, Guilt, Guilt...the list is endless.  And very tiring...  Why do we do this to ourselves?!
 
It is Life UnBalanced.  I'm thinking that we need to get a grip and rattle the cage a little to bring it back on track.  Because Guilt just really hijacks all endeavors to Live Life Well. 
 
Taking some time this week to get to the root of our Guilt and by Grace dig it out.
 
Grandma Inga would be sure to have something to say about that!
 
 

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