It's brutally hard, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and well, just about every other "-ally" you can think of...
We love the romantic notion of the "Florence Nightingale" come to the resue, white cape and sunset-themed music.
But, let's get real... Caregiving is not for the faint of heart or the squeamish of soul.
There are delicate decisions to be made with doctors, nurses and chemo techs, intricate doling-outs of meds, meals and fluids, yucky cleaning-ups to deal with, precious, upended emotions calling for the utmost care and compassion, and of course, the tedious hours on the phone scheduling and re-scheduling tests, handling insurance claims and running interference with well-meaing friends and family... and that's all in just the first day! "Florence" is looking a little crazed right at the moment...
Maybe this Caregiving thing needs a little Grace... Yes?
Oh my, yes.
When our burdens and needs drive us to the Grace-Giver, amazing things happen. His Riches pour out so sweet in abundance...
Through-out mom's cancer journey, we had so many of these moments. The burdens were great, but God's Grace met our needs head-on with an all-sufficient power that humbled us, freed us and glorified His riches, always. Perhaps the best example occurred shortly after her biopsy in November of 2010...
The minute the surgeon told us the biopsy was positive for pancreatic cancer, we frantically threw ourselves into high gear trying to find the best oncologist. It's not something you really ever think about needing (honestly, who has an oncologist waiting in the wings?) So we asked the surgeon who did the biopsy, we asked mom's family practioner, we called the hospital where she had worked as a cardiac care nurse for years before retiring, we asked neighbors and we googled with intensity. Mom finally decided on a local oncologist that had good recommendations and also had a marvelous staff (we loved the nurse and receptionist for their caring demeanors), but after just 2 weeks of chemo treatment, mom ended up in the hospital with severe abdominal pain and an occluded biliary stent.
We were living in crisis mode with this hospital trip so soon after treatment began...We had barely figured out what pancreatic cancer was at this point, and now we have complications? Hello... Caregiving Tension came a knockin'! But, wait... we have the best oncologist, remember? Blood pressure come down off the ledge. And confidently we all looked to him for assurance, expecting him to lead with authority ...
That didn't happen. He blew in and out of the hospital room, barely speaking to the family and never once even touching mom (not checking her lungs, listening to heart, feeling lymph nodes... red flag in hind-sight...I realize now that we were just overwhelmed and in shock, but still it was a huge wake-up call). He passed mom's case to a gastroenterologist who found the occluded stent and replaced it. Which we thought was great, until both doctors showed up the next morning and proceeded to argue about the cause of mom's occluded stent. The oncologist firmly believed it was a reaction to the Gemzar (her chemo drug). The gastroenterologist just as firmly believed it was because the previous stent was plastic and they plug up fairly often. He was confident the Gemzar was not to blame.
Stand-off in room 236... Mom and Dad and I just stared from one doctor to the other...
Blood Pressure spiking. Headache pounding. Caregiving Tension at its worst.... Who do we believe? Who do we trust? Stop the Gemzar? Let the cancer grow unchecked? Believe in the new stent? Proceed with the Gemzar? Pray for a chance to beat this cancer? Questions flew hot and heavy in room 236 after the doctors left...
We needed Grace so badly. Right. Then. But we were barely keeping our heads above water and didn't even know how or what to ask. So very, very humbled and grateful that God hears our heart-anguish and sends His Grace winging to our need...
As we were agonizing over decisions a nurse-angel came in to check mom's blood-pressure and vitals. She performed her duties quietly, but couldn't help but overhear our confusion and distress. She sat down next to mom and gently told her that she could always have a second opinion...
Hit us with a feather and knock us right over. Mom's a nurse herself. Why in the world did we not think of that?!
Why did we assume that we alone would have to choose between the oncologists advice or the gastroenterologists?
With mom's background as head nurse down at the hospital in the Dallas mid-cities area, she quickly took charge and began making phone calls. Within a week she had that second opinion with Dr. Davis, an amazing oncologist.
He was God's Grace Gift to us... She switched doctors and began to see Dr. Davis shortly after that hospital stay. It was a longer drive... but so very worth every mile. No regrets. It wasn't easy to do. But it was the right thing to do for mom.
We experienced just what happens when God's Grace and our Anguished Needs collide...and it's all good. (Think fireworks-and-happiness-kind-of-collision good)
And this is just one of the many times that we found God's grace was completely, perfectly, all sufficient for our weakness and need...
"But he said to me, 'My Grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.' "
for my power is made perfect in weakness.' "
~ II Corinthians 12:9
If you are a Cancer Caregiver, rest easy in His promises. They are as many and as varied as your needs. And we have all month to wrestle it down... Thank you Nester for encouraging us to take on the 31-Day challenge.
I am finding it to be All Grace :)
Always, Jane
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