Silver Linings

Perhaps one of the most amazing things to come out of mom's pancreatic cancer journey is the realization that we are not alone...

And I know what you may be thinking.  Well, of course you're not alone, there are many other pancreatic cancer fighters out there all over the world.  And you would be right...There just weren't any other pancreatic cancer fighters in our corner of the world.

No one in our community had pancreatic cancer.  No one in the chemo lab had pancreatic cancer.  No one in our church had pancreatic cancer.  No one at work had pancreatic cancer...

No one...

We felt all alone, against a giant foe, that no one knew how to stop...

When the doctors suggested treatment, they said they had researched the options and felt we should try this chemo regimen.  They didn't say they had successfully treated other pancreatic cancer patients with this chemo regimen.  When mom suffered her diabolical gall bladder attack, none of her doctors could agree. Over the course of a week, as her symptoms escalated, her doctors waffled back and forth... One said the cancer was progressing, one said the stent wasn't working and one said it could be a virus....It took an ER doctor (who was not an oncologist) to send her for an MRI and diagnose a rotten gall bladder...As we suffered thru that nightmare of a week while the doctors disagreed, we felt completely, utterly, all...alone...

And so, the silver lining comes as a quiet surprise over the many weeks and months since mom's diagnosis.  We have met so many valiant, courageous warriors on the same journey.  Most are online, cyber friends who have reached out to us in simply heartwarming ways...with a story, an inspirational quote, a prayer...and with that outreach came Hope and Strength.  There is truly Power in Community.

You have become our Community.  There is an instant understanding, a nod of comprehension, a bond of empathy.  Each has been down in the trenches.  Your faces, your hands, your hearts are tuned to the same war cry...Hope and Healing...Hands reaching out to help those that come behind, Smiles that lighten the day, Encouragement to face the Journey...all because we are, really, not alone...

In this past month, the silver lining has brightened even more, as I have had the pleasure to "meet" a family who has suffered much at the hand of cancer.  I have learned that it really doesn't matter whether the cancer is attacking the pancreas, the lungs or any other part of our anatomy...Cancer is malevolent and is no respecter of person, race or religion...When it knocks on our door, we find ourselves facing the fight of our lives.

And so it was with Cameron and Heather.  Almost 7 years ago, Heather was diagnosed with Mesothelioma Cancer, at a time when she should have been on top of the world, welcoming a blessed baby girl into their blissfully content lives.  Instantly their world changed and Cancer became their focus.  Not so different from the way Pancreatic Cancer changed our world...

Both Heather and Cameron have been blogging through their experience here and here..  Cameron has graciously written an article that honestly explores his role as a CareGiver and it just seems perfect to include it here as we celebrate Unsung Heroes..  Their story has that happy ending, but what makes this my silver lining, is the way they both are giving back to the Community, empowering others struggling with their own journeys, sharing Hope and Inspiration along the way...

My Experience as the Spouse of a Cancer Patient

by Cameron Von St. James

 

Three months after the birth of our only daughter Lily, my wife, Heather, was diagnosed with malignant mesothelioma.. Suddenly our small family was catapulted from a time of joy and celebration to a time of fear and uncertainty. I remember looking into my wife’s eyes as she cried and thinking, “How are we going to get through this?”

Immediately there were decisions to be made and things that needed to be done, but emotion overwhelmed me.  However, these difficult decisions brought me back to reality and forced me to focus on how we were going to beat this cancer. However, I still remained emotional. For days following the diagnosis, I was filled with rage and could scarcely communicate without using profanity. As days passed, I became better able to control my anger. I realized my wife and daughter needed me now more than ever.

Initially, my daily to-do list was so long that I frequently found myself overwhelmed. As days went by, however, I learned to prioritize the most important tasks so as to take care of my family as best I could. I also learned to accept help from the many friends and family who were there for us.  Without their support, we might never have gotten through those difficult times.

 

Despite the loving support system surrounding my family and I, the time of Heather’s fight with mesothelioma was intensely difficult for me. Following her surgery in Boston, I went through a particularly difficult two-month period while Heather was recuperating at her parents’ home in South Dakota, and preparing for her next phase of mesothelioma treatment, which would include chemotherapy and radiation. Since I needed to stay home and work, I only saw her and Lily once during this time.

Needless to say, I missed my wife and daughter terribly. I got into my car after work one Friday and drove 11 hours that night to see them. It was snowing, and I had to stop and sleep in my car for a few hours during the night while the plows cleared the roads. I visited my wife and daughter Saturday and turned around Sunday to make the 11 hour drive home so that I could go back to work. It was a short visit, but the brief time I spent with my family was worth every second of hectic travel.

While it was difficult for me to be away from Heather and Lily during this time, today I do not view it as a time of loss. There was no way I could have properly cared for our baby daughter while working full time, and it was important for Heather and Lily to be together during Heather’s recuperation process. Rather than viewing this or any of the other difficult decisions we made with regret, I accept them as the things we needed to do to save our family. Although the cancer diagnosis forced us to make difficult decisions, I found comfort in the fact that we could still make decisions.

This difficult time taught me to be grateful for the ability to make decisions. In addition, this challenging time taught me the importance of accepting help from others. Without the love and care of our support system, we would not have been able to make it through this difficulty. Through all of our struggles, Heather is still here and still healthy over six years later.  I hope that our story can be a source of hope and help to those currently battling cancer.

 

Caregivers come in all shapes and sizes.  Some are amazing spouses like Cameron.  He speaks truth when he said that "without the love and care of our support system, we would not have been able to make it through this difficulty." 

 

Where would we be without each other?  The Power of Community...

 

From the beginning of time it has been true.  When God saw Adam alone in the Garden, surrounded though he was by immense beauty and every good thing, the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone..." Genesis 2:18

 

 

Our Father God created us for community, for fellowship...

not to be alone,

but to be loved and to love,

to be cared for and to care for...

we find our place when we lose ourselves in the giving to another, whether it be spouse, parent, child, aunt, nephew, friend...this is the Power of Community and when we do...

Grace smiles "Well Done"