Good New/Bad News

Today has been a Good News/Bad News kind of day.

As a rule we're a pretty optimistic family. Doesn't take much for us to find a silver lining in any storm cloud. But sometimes life just takes the wind out of your sails, and you can't outrun the storm.

And today that storm dumped a boatload of rain on our barely afloat dinghy...

Mom's tumor marker took a huge leap up this week (we don't want it taking leaps, jumps or even little baby steps anywhere but down!). It's up to 509. And this while still on the chemo. We're not smiling.

Dr. Davis wasn't smiling either, BUT (here's the good news), he's not ready to throw in the towel yet. While the tumor marker jump is troubling, he reminded us that it is not a scientifically exact measuring stick. He wants to finish this round of chemo and then do a CT scan to get a more accurate pic of the situation before concluding (gulp) that the Gemzar has stopped working.

That leads me to the other bit of Good News. Mom's blood work was looking great this week (except for the rebellious tumor marker :-/), so the Gemzar was a go.

And one more little bit of Good News. The thrush is just about gone. Okay, that's a Big piece of Good News.
 
And here's the Best Good News - Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day!

There will be feasting and family, laughter and hugging. And feasting some more!

Despite this setback with the tumor marker, and the black cloud of worry that nags at us, we are unbelievably grateful for another day to be together.

May your day be filled with only the Best Good News, the love of family and friends, and hearts overflowing with gratitude for the miracle of Grace.

My Love, Jane

Just a word, Not a sentence...

It's a fact. What goes up, invariably comes down. Obviously mom's tumor marker didn't get the memo...

In the past week it has spiked up 80 points and is now at 362. It was not the news we wanted. Combined with her increasing upper rib cage pain, and we have a worry fest in the making.

However, the good news is that all her other blood work looked great. Platelets have rebounded well and chemo was a go today. So this will be round #1 of Gemzar in this cycle. Hopefully the increased tumor marker is an anomaly and will be dropping as we hit it hard with the chemo.

Mom talked with the nurse today about the increased pain and described it as intense acid-reflux. When it hits, nothing seems to help. For the last two nights she's been sleeping upright in the recliner (only way she can get relief from the burning pain). Bridget, the nurse, doubled her nexium, and said to give it a week, hoping that will help. We've decided that if mom's not better by Monday, we're calling. None of this "waiting and seeing" business anymore. We tried that with her gallbladder and then again when she had the septic strep infection. Both times we followed the oncologist's "let's wait and see" approach to mom's great detriment. It's time to be a little more assertive!

Thankfully none of this has affected her appetite. Dad took her to IHOP tonight and she made quick work of the Short Stack Sampler, (pancakes, eggs, bacon and hashbrowns)! Ummm... Just love breakfast for dinner!

It would be easy to let worry consume our moments. This journey is unpredictable and rocky. We have to constantly remind ourselves that "cancer is just a word, not a sentence." If we let it become a sentence, then it takes over our lives, snuffing out the joy in the everyday blessings all around us. Like:

Rain pouring from the sky this day to quench a parched patch of earth

The first crackling fire in the woodstove this season

Pancakes smothered in sweet syrup

Gentle hands from the chemo staff, thanks Lance :)

Platelets, Red Blood Cells and Hemoglobin all doing their jobs

The smell of homemade Banana Bread baking in the oven

Giggling Grandbabies

and Chocolate Truffles

Oh, the list could go on and on, I'm sure you can add to it the many blessings of your day. God is good. May I never forget, even when worry tries to derail our Hope.

Leaning into Him, Jane

BUT...

Don't you hate it when someone says "I have good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?"

Well, Mom opted for the good news.  Heaven knows we haven't had much in the last couple of days!

And, boy!  Was it good news!  The doctor had gotten the results of her tumor marker test.  One month ago it was sitting at 174.  Today it was...

84

Hello!!!  84!!!  That is the lowest her CA19-9 tumor marker has been since she began this pancreatic cancer journey 9 months ago!!

The doctor indulged our need to high-five all around, smiles and thumbs up.  Then, after a telling pause, he said,

BUT,

I really think I hate that word... BUT ...  Our smiles froze in place as he continued.  This morning's chest x-ray indicated an increase in fluid in both her lungs.  The infection is getting worse.  And we suspected that was the case.  Mom's weakness and grogginess has been increasing steadily.  She is tired, and drained, and feels like someone flattened her with a steam roller.  Her blood pressure and oxygen saturation remain too low. Dr. Davis has ordered a CT scan of her chest/lungs and would like to bring in an infectious disease specialist to consult on her case.

The seriousness in his voice got our attention.  This is no run of the mill bacteria we're dealing with. It is some form of a gram-positive cocci baccillus:

It even stains purple, the pancreatic cancer mascot color. What a coincidence for mom.  Cancer and Cocci Baccilli.  Not too fond of either.

Suddenly the thought occured to me.  We've been so focused on beating this cancer and worried that it would take her too soon, that we never imagined a simple bacteria could be her undoing.  3 days in the hospital, and they still don't know where the nasty bug is hiding, nor exactly what antibiotic will take it out.  So, we welcome the specialist and pray he can nail this infection, and fast.

Cancer still sucks, and today we're adding gram-positive cocci baccillus to the list too.

BUT... okay, now I love that word... We are surrounded by amazing medical professionals.  Mom is in the best hands. 

Here, Susan, nurse extraordinaire, keeps tabs on mom's vitals:

 

And Matthew, sweetest man, bundles mom up for the ride down for her CT scan:

And the Hospitality/Kitchen staff bring the most delicious guest trays for all our meals.  You just can't beat this service:

So today we've had a load of Bad News... BUT (really starting to love that word!)... Her cancer is stabilizing and the low tumor marker results are the Best Good News!

Continuing to pray for returned strength to fight this infection and wisdom for the doctors as they diagnose and treat this persistent "bug."

You are all the safety net that we fall into when our footing gets shaky. So thankful you're there.

Our Love, Jane

 



Wild Weekend

It's been one of those days - all weekend long!  Busy, exhilirating, fun, and scary all wrapped up together.  I'm needing Monday just to catch my breath...

Let's start with last Thursday.  Chemo day for mom.

Here we are with Lance, one of our favorite chemo nurses.  And we're all smiles because Lance just gave mom her tumor marker results from last week.  Are you ready?!

174!!!

So exciting!  At the end of June, mom's tumor marker was sitting at 630.  Now it's 174.  This is a huge nosedive!  We're thrilled and thankful that the Gemzar is hitting the cancer so hard.  Makes the side-effects a little easier to bear.  We still have a ways to go, normal for the Ca19-9 tumor marker is 0-35.  But we're headed in the right direction.  Nothing better than that!

After chemo, we grabbed a bite at the Corner Bakery, stopped for some groceries, then got mom home and tucked in on the recliner with her foot propped up.  The left ankle is still swollen, and looked particularly moody (puffy, red and peeling) by the end of the afternoon.  The doctors are not alarmed, seem to still think it's just part and parcel with the cancer and chemo, but we keep it propped up whenever possible.  Does seem to help.

Once mom was settled in, I headed over to my brother's and picked up my niece, Sami, for the weekend.  Dean and Lisa were headed out of town and Sami was staying with us.  She's 12 years old, full of mischief, and cute as can be.

She loves the farm and was such a big help:

Here she is helping with chores.  She's so sassy!  Choretime with attitude.

Making her own jewelry.  So classy!

Beautiful!!

Then it was off to the Ft. Worth Museum of Science and Natural History to catch the Wild Oceans IMAX show!  Great way to beat the afternoon heat!

Back home to make some pizza!

Top Chef look out!

Yum!

Busy, fun weekend with Sami.  I think we were all exhausted by the time she headed home.  And she hadn't been gone long, when Leroy came running in the front door and hollered that the neighbor's field was on fire.

I don't think I can describe the sheer panic those words evoked.  As Leroy ran past me I could smell the acrid aroma of burnt grass and wood.  I raced outside and saw the billows of gray smoke rolling across our land and felt a blinding fear.  I could hear the sounds of fire engines and men's voices shouting, but could see little because of the smoke.

In minutes we grabbed what we could and packed the car, all the while just praying, "please, please..."

And God saw fit to answer that wordless prayer.  As we were preparing to drive out, the wind shifted and we could see that the fire fighters had contained the wildfire to just the other side of the road.  One spark, and our field would have been next.  As the sharp edge of panic lifted, I finally grabbed the camera and began shooting these pics:

Bless those firemen.  They worked fast and furiously.  Today we learned that the fire started at old Tom's place, just over the hill in the tree line.  Looks like his house is a total loss, but he made it out okay.  The fire got a good foothold in the dry tinder, and it took off with a vengeance.  All total, 10 structures (sheds, well houses, barns) were lost and probably between 30-40 acres.  Before it was all over, they had called in 20 fire departments from around the county, many of them volunteers.  We are so thankful for their dedication and quick response.  It could have been so much worse.  The winds were mild, but still we had ash and cinders floating down around our place for several hours.  

None of us slept too well last night....Kept checking the windows for smoke and flames.  I'm still jumpy today.  But all that remains is a blackened scar across the road and the faint smell of smoke when the wind shifts. 

What a weekend.  Think I need a vacation....