Christmas Tree Time

It's Christmas Tree Time! At least here at the Polly household...

Dean and Ryan stopped by on Friday to help Mom get a jump start on the festivities. They pulled all the decorations out of the attic

and got the tree up. Now mom can decorate it at her leisure.

Which is a good thing, because she's been laid low by another tiresome round of thrush. She's been feeling pretty "ishy" all week. Most likely from the thrush. We think it's gone down the back of her throat and is messing with her stomach, hence the nausea and yuckies.

The good news is that she was able to continue with her chemo this week and began another round of Gemzar on Thursday.  Even feeling crummy from the thrush, her blood work was all close to normal and that deserves a thumbs up for sure.  The doctors have put her back on Diflucan for 10 more days for the thrush.  Hopefully this time she'll be able to beat it back for good.

In the meantime, the Christmas decorations can wait. After all, we still have Thanksgiving to enjoy! This Thursday, at the Schraceo farm, be here for Turkey and all the trimmings! Dinner served at noon straight up! Naps and football to follow...

1st Year Canciversary Celebration

Today is a day circled red on our calendar.

It is mom's 1st Year Canciversary. One year ago today, we received the devastating news that the biopsy on her pancreas was positive for cancer. Terminal cancer. The memory replays like a bad movie. The ferocious punch to the gut, the frozen numbness as we tried to process the doctor's words, and the hard sting of tears swallowed deep. It is not a day we ever want to celebrate.

But after much consideration, there is something else we do want to celebrate. And that would be the triumphs we have experienced during the past year, despite living with this unrelenting cancer diagnosis.

In his book, A General's Spiritual Journey, Lieutenant General Hal Moore shared this quote:

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have, and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or you will be taught how to fly.

I believe that sometime during this past year of testing and trial, mom has learned to fly. At times she has soared above the horrors, other times she has flown right through them. But each crisis was faced with a steadfast will to walk with grace and dignity. And plenty of humor.

Maybe we're all just a tad bit morbid, but we've learned to laugh at the most socially unacceptable moments. At funeral homes, and in the hospital. While mom was throwing up and when she was hallucinating from her first dose of marinol. Emily Post is probably rolling over in her grave at our lack of etiquette.

But really, mom started it all. One year ago, she made us laugh even while our hearts were breaking.

It's true.

After we got the news of the biopsy results, the nurses got her ready to check out of the hospital. We waited quietly, shell-shocked really, for the orderly to bring up the wheel chair to escort her out. When the young man arrived, he wheeled in one of those Big-Butt (pardon me), but really big (huge) wheelchairs for my 130lb mom. She obediently slide into the seat and tried to position her legs onto the leg rests. She looked like she was trying to ride an elephant. A snort escaped from her lips, which she tried to subdue, but then couldn't. She looked up at Dad, me and the orderly and said, "You think it's big enough?" We laughed, and the tension was broken. Mom was still there. Cancer or no cancer, she is still the same loveable, goofy, no-nonsense, laughter-loving person she always has been. And that began our journey. Of course, I think the orderly was traumatized for life, but no matter. You can't spend all the time crying...

So, today, in honor of this year, we Celebrated the Triumphs with a delicious bite of creme brulee,

and then an afternoon at the spa (we're hooked, what can I say?!)

But, the real celebration begins in two weeks. Mom, Dad, Leroy and I booked a Cruise to the Caribbean! How's that for spontaneous? We leave two weeks from tomorrow! Mom really knows how to celebrate!

We can't end this day without celebrating the faithfulness of each one of you. Your unwavering love in the face of these trials has carried us through the fire. You may have brought a meal, offered a shoulder to cry on, prayed unceasingly, listened with your heart, cleaned house, ran errands, sent cards, encouraged through a smile... you have all been the Hands and Feet of Faithfulness. And we know, without a doubt, that you have bridged the gap for us so many times when we were too weak, too numb, or too afraid to speak. You are our Blessing,

May God be Glorified through all the Triumphs of this past year. He sustains even when we don't understand.

And that's Grace Enough for Today, Love you all, Jane

Back to the Grind

Vacation's Over! Back to work...

Let's be honest, the Monday after a wonderful vacation is usually kind of a let-down. It's back to the grind, back to work, back to laundry! And today, mom was back to physical therapy.

And that John, he's a regular slave-driver! With a smile...

She worked on toe raises, calf lifts, quad squats, and bicep pulls. Plus a stint on the Total Gym and some lovely balance bobbing on the exercise ball. I was working up a sweat watching the drill. Not to worry, I kept myself well hydrated and maintained a steady heart rate through it all :)

Mom did very well too! But that John, he wasn't satisfied with his 45 minute boot camp, he just had to send her home with more exercises... There is simply no rest for the weary.

On our way to therapy, Mom asked me if I thought it was a useless endeavor for a terminally ill patient to attempt physical therapy. My immediate response was absolutely not. Her motivation to keep her body as strong as possible is but a glimpse of her determination to live life well.

Her goal is to improve her stamina, balance, and core strength. The alternative is to give up, lay down and die. And that is an option. I am eternally thankful that mom has taken the harder road. There are no delusions, she is still struggling with pain, with the fatigue, with fevers and chemo side effects, with leg swelling and moments of nausea.

Terminal, yes that is the prognosis. Rolling over and giving up? Not hardly. Mom has chosen to live her best life, and sometimes that takes work.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for...  And she is in the fight of her life right now.

I am totally undone by the way she is preparing for the moments yet to be lived. We know how much discipline this takes, and are so incredibly proud of her determination.

Bring on the barbells and punching bags!

The Potter's Wheel Moments of Life

I listen, and think, reflect on the words.  I've heard them a thousand times before, today I listened from a different place.

God is the Potter,

We are the Clay.

Clay shaped into vessels.  Beauty born of a fragile nature.  We are shaped for unique purpose, but so easily chipped and cracked.  Clay vessels, broken, filled with disease, cancer riddled.  This is the reality of the Potter's clay.

And yet, the Word speaks hope, for whenever "the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands, the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." (Jeremiah 1:4 NIV) 

We have been made by God to be just as we are, designed right down to our DNA.  He is the Potter and we are the Clay.  He is touching, smoothing, kneading, bending, and molding us into things of grace, both useful and lovely.   That shaping is hard, the clay becomes stiff and oft times difficult.  I have been there... I am there, chafing at the bending from this cancer diagnosis.  Words fell soft on my spirit this day and I heard the lessons spoken from the Clay:

1.  The clay has no right to criticize the Potter, for in the eyes of God you are not a mistake...

2.  The clay has no say in the Potter's design, for God has a purpose in mind for each of his creations...

3.  The clay has no power to shape itself, for God created a longing in each of us for His touch alone....

To become a vessel that glorifies God, can I learn to submit my life to each moment that God's Hand uses to shape me?

* sometimes it's pleasureable; I think of the shaping of our family through the miraculous births of our children, but

* sometimes it's painful: the molding of our lives through the harrowing trial of mom's cancer, 

* either way, it always, always serves God's purposes.

And in Romans 9:23 His purpose rings sweetly over us.  To make the riches of His glory known to the objects of His mercy.  Us, granted His mercy in simple clay vessels, shown riches beyond imagination, His glory.

I listened, now I think... the shaping of my life these last months has been hard.  I have refused to see that pancreatic cancer can serve any purpose, let alone Heavenly gain.  Not that God has brought this disease upon us, for we live in a broken world, but can I see that God can use this cancer to shape me? To reveal the riches of His Grace, a wealth beyond comprehension?

I try to see how these moments, these trials have shaped me, changed me.  Perhaps more compassion, for indeed I now view those struggling hard with my heart's eye.  And yes, He is shaping more patience into my life, for now the busyness of life has faded and the priorities have focused.  And, too, time has expanded, for the things, the ones who matter.  Ultimately it has turned my soul to the Light, for His Love promises to perfect that which He has begun... 

I ponder the shaping and the molding.   The Potter's wheel moments of Life.  Changing us more and more into His Likeness, where all the riches of His glory will be revealed, a radiance beyond description. 

He is bending us all with this cancer journey.  Where the clay is marred, we pray that His touch turns us into a vessels overflowing with grace and mercy,

We will bend, but never break, He promises...

My Favorite Veteran

In honor of Veteran's Day, I salute my very favorite Veteran of all time.

Leroy, I couldn't be more proud of your service to our country. But even more than that I am privileged to count you as husband and friend. You embody the discipline and heart of all it means to honor God, love your family and serve our country. I feel safe in your arms, cherished and blessed.

And I know we are some of the lucky ones. On this day we are reminded of the cost of war and dissension. How many in the military have given their all protecting our freedoms? And how many have spilt blood on foreign soil, leaving the arms of mothers and wives empty and aching? To these families, we owe a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid.

These soldiers gave their tomorrows for our todays...

And for those serving around the world this day, many stationed in conditions of turmoil and peril that we can't begin to imagine, we send our prayers. As they stand steadfast and strong in the fight to protect us from harm, we offer words of thanks from humbled hearts.

May God Bless the Soldiers and their families, keeping them safe in His arms until they All come home again.

When Life is Turned Upside Down

This gifted artist needs no embellishment from me.

Watch and be blessed....

Amen...

Vacation Doings

All is well at Vacation Central!  I drove up to the Lake today to spend some time with mom and dad and found everyone rested and happy.  Actually fat and sassy was more like it!  Vacations seem to agree with them.  I mean, what's there not to like about Fishing, Eating, Napping, Laughing and Relaxing?!

Here's a taste of the day:

As you can see, the afternoon ended up at Country Java's Coffee Shop for a little somethin' sweet!  The Mile High Chocolate Heath Bar Cake sure hit the spot.  As did the Strawberry Melt-in-your-Mouth Cake.  We didn't want to be pigs, so we only got two desserts and shared.  Good idea, yes?  Yes.

Mom is feeling pretty good, all things considered.  The thrush is just about gone, and the pain under her ribcage is maybe a little better.  She's only taking the break-through pain once or twice a day (as opposed to 4 or 5 times a week ago).  And this will be her week off from chemo, so we're expecting her stamina to continue.  She and Ruth have been taking short walks each day, and I think that's also helping strengthen her leg muscles.  Of course, next week she will be back in full swing with physical therapy and doctor visits.

But for this week, it's Vacation Full Blast.  Ahhhh... Nothing Better!