365 Days...

... without Mom...

 

 

Hearts still grieve and emptiness waits to be filled...

 

Moment to moment Grace gives Peace, and I know she would smile to see her family honoring her memory in a tight circle of Love, shouldering each sorrow together and growing stronger for the journey... 

 

But how to walk through this 1st anniversary without her?   We have silently debated, each of us wrestling with memories of that final day, not wanting to relive the pain, but unable to stop the flood of emotions, raw and sharp...

 

In quiet moments with Dad we've tread the unfamiliar ground, hesitant and timid...how would you like to honor this day, honor her memory, her life?

 

It will be a cruise...

 

As the days have drawn closer to this 1st anniversary, Dad's sense of rightness and calm have pervaded.

 

A cruise it will be...

 

He had no desire to stay at home, reliving those horrific, heart-tearing days.  Rather, the place he wants to remember her is a place where they had found such delight and joy...on the sea, sun bright, wind caressing...

 

We leave today.

 

On Tuesday, December 4th, we will gather at the bow of the ship and in silence and with deep peace, we will allow our hearts to open to all the memories...

 

 

How I wish we could have just one more hour, one more minute together!

 

Praying for Grace to Guide the Memories,

Hallow the Moments,

and

Fill the Empty Holes of our Hearts.

 

For Love's Sake I know God Hears,

 

Steady and Sure in Grace,

                      Jane

 

 

It's Time...

Weaning Time on the farm.  Everyone's crying!

Mamas...Babies...Me...
This is so not fun.  I wish there was another way, and I'm not the only one!

First we separate the mamas way across the farm in their own pasture...

That took 3 people, 2 buckets of feed and more cunning and muscle than expected.  Those mamas DID NOT want to be separated from their babies!  And if I wasn't sweating and huffing so bad I would have to admire their tenacity.  However, after a few hooks from those horns I wasn't up to admiring much.

Then we went back to mollify and feed the babies...

which required lots of loving and some heavy-duty ear plugs.  Goat baby bleating is very loud and yes, very irritating.  Ask Baby Peacock...

His feathers got rather ruffled with all the ruckus. But I do understand those babies.  They were missing their mamas.  I know what that's like...

In their sheltered life, goat mama was always there.  She was there to nurture, to protect, to nurse, to guide, to push, to nuzzle, to love.  I had that too, for oh so long. 

I get it, I really do...

And I can tell you, little fuzz-ball, that you will be okay.  Cry.  Grieve.  Make lots of noise.  You will miss her like crazy, that's for sure, but after awhile you will realize that the missing has softly turned into sweet remembering somewhere along the way.  A cherishing of all she taught you.  And she raised you right.  Good and strong.  Ready to face greener pastures and new experiences with strength and confidence.  Love provides a sure foundation and Baby you are loved.

You're gonna be alright...

The Wanderers are Home...

Home... At Last!!!

Heaven to be sleeping in our own bed.  Snuggling with the pups.  Loving on goat babies...

Doing Laundry!!  That's the sign of another vacation in the bag!

And such a wonderful vacation it was.  Busy, Bountiful and Blessed.  We traveled through Wisconsin and Illinois visiting family, making sure food and fun were a part of the daily agenda!  Leroy and I had the pleasure of escorting Dad up to the family's Big Reunion in Wisconsin and then we took the scenic route home through Illinois by way of Lake Michigan (our route was anything but straight!).  We also had the added joy of including our daughter Katie, her husband, Jordan and two nieces, Amanda and Sami, into the traveling menagerie! What a crew.  Here's the vacation in pics:

We ate...

And we canoed...

and survived!

The guys fished...

and fished...

and fished...  Dad had a blast!!

And then we headed in for the Big Reunion.  And what fun that turned out to be!  The reunion committee simply outdid themselves, beginning with a beautiful remembrance service at the small Scandinavian church (in Scandanavia, Wisconsin) that my great-grandparents had attended.  The day only got better from there!

The service was followed by an impromptu parade thru town to the old homestead!

Grandma and Grandpa Christensen raised 11 children in this tiny, 4-room home.  Such memories!  Such treasure!  Such Love!!

And here's the whole Bunch of Us!

And Dad with his sister, our favorite Aunt Di

And Dad with his favorite cousins...

There was time for food...

and face painting...

and fun around the Bonfire!

Our Beautiful Wisconsin Family...

Love you to Pieces!

I can't help but remember our last family reunion and vacation.  What a difference a year makes... So hard to believe where our life was last year.  Mom's journey was well on its way and we didn't know.  Pancreatic cancer de-rails the best laid plans.  If anything it has taught me to cherish the moments we hold in our hands completely, for we aren't promised a minute more...

Because mom is never far from our thoughts, we honored her with a trip past her family home in Wilmette, Illinois along the shores of Lake Michigan.

Her spirit dipped low and the breeze blew her kisses soft across our cheeks...

Home At Last

A Splendid Torch

 It occurs to me that my last 3 posts have somehow dealt more with death and remembrance than usual... In the last week or so, we have mourned with a sweet family on the sudden loss of their mom, we have "run the race" with Travis as he  honored the memory of 2 firefighters who gave their lives fighting a church blaze, and on Memorial Day, we thanked the many military families who gave their all protecting this great country.

Death.  It comes in many ways.  Some know their fate and meet it head on.  To some, it comes unexpectedly and suddenly.  To all, it comes eventually.  And we mourn.  Grieve for the one we miss so desparately.  For lost moments.  For what could have been.  Always, we mourn.

And yet, my heart still beats with the message that Death for the Believer is one of Glorious Homecoming, a moment immeasurably Beautiful and Holy.  Not to be feared, nor grieved.  A blessing to the soul gaining Paradise, a Comfort and Peace to the loved ones left behind.

This would be the flip side of our mourning.  It is the conversation I want to have with my family.  An intentional discussion to let them know that just as I have embraced Life, so will I embrace Death.  I want them to remember the words I have spoken, that I am in a place of incomparable Magnificence, a place I have been journeying to all my life...

And today, I found a kindred spirit in George Bernard Shaw.  He speaks to this message so much more eloquently than I:

"This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.  Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.  I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.  I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.  I rejoice in life for its own sake.  Life is no brief candle to me: it is sort of a splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."

May your torch burn brightly as you journey this life!

Finding Grace in every Moment, Jane

And Some Gave All

                                                                     Photo Credit:  Freedom Isn't Free

We remember this Memorial Day...

My Favorite Veteran

In honor of Veteran's Day, I salute my very favorite Veteran of all time.

Leroy, I couldn't be more proud of your service to our country. But even more than that I am privileged to count you as husband and friend. You embody the discipline and heart of all it means to honor God, love your family and serve our country. I feel safe in your arms, cherished and blessed.

And I know we are some of the lucky ones. On this day we are reminded of the cost of war and dissension. How many in the military have given their all protecting our freedoms? And how many have spilt blood on foreign soil, leaving the arms of mothers and wives empty and aching? To these families, we owe a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid.

These soldiers gave their tomorrows for our todays...

And for those serving around the world this day, many stationed in conditions of turmoil and peril that we can't begin to imagine, we send our prayers. As they stand steadfast and strong in the fight to protect us from harm, we offer words of thanks from humbled hearts.

May God Bless the Soldiers and their families, keeping them safe in His arms until they All come home again.