A Prayer to Keep our Hearts

 

So Many Things to be Thankful For

May your day be filled with true gratitude for all the good things
that have graced your journey.

My Love,

           Jane

 

Love your People...

When Father's Day Changes...

 Pancreatic cancer has taught us many lessons, not the least of which is how quickly our days can change... there is a fragile strength in accepting the uncertainty of our tomorrows.  And the richness of knowing how precious our todays are...

Last year I couldn't even post a Father's Day tribute.  Our loss was still too fresh.  Father's Day brought memories that were held captive by the isolation of a Covid-19 quarantine.  No arms to hold us, no gatherings to share stories, laughter and tears together... just memories that deafened. And hearts that ached.

Time softens the memories.  Hearts warm as stories from the past tickle our funny bone bringing easy smiles and deep joy.  Dad's legacy lives on in our little ones.  Their carefree celebrations tug us into our today.  Fishing from the banks of Brushy Creek, squealing with delight on the wild gator rides, and hugging necks, oh, so hard.

We are learning that honoring a Father can change with the seasons ...  And there is beauty in this season.  Dad would want nothing less than to see his family celebrate a day with steaks on the grill, laughter on our lips... and love in our hearts.

He is still so missed.  And that will never change, but he and mom taught us to live life well and that moves us through the grief into joy.  

And I know that not every one will find joy in this day.  You may be in a season of grief and loss that is just too fresh, too sharp.  Your story may not have room for forgiveness yet, hearts may be sorely tested and near broken.  There is pain in this life that words cannot free.  Only Love can do that. 

May you feel held close this day, for you are loved deeply no matter where you find yourself on this journey.  Praying that you will be encouraged with an eternal Hope in brighter tomorrows. 

My Love, Always,

Jane

8 Ways to Help a Loved One with Cancer

A Cancer Diagnosis

When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, the bottom can and does drop out from under us.  And in our grief and shock we often stumble coming out of the gate... wanting to be there and be supportive of their cancer journey, we so often just mess up royally.  We say the wrong thing, over-compensate and trip over ourselves trying to make it ok, or sometimes just disappear all together... We know.  Been there. Done that.

It's so hard to know what to say, what to do, or how to help.

We found there are a few simple things that meant a lot to mom when she was on her cancer journey and thus was born our Help-A-Girl-Out Checklist ;-)

Ways We Can All Help Out

1. Take a minute

Breath in, absorb the news and lift a prayer... for your loved one, for yourself.  Take this minute before you do anything... a cancer diagnosis is devastating and is a shock for everyone.

2. Educate yourself

Spend another minute or two (or five) and learn about pancreatic cancer.  There is so much misinformation out there.  Knowing the basics can help us be more understanding as we reach out and lend a hand to our loved one.

3. Avoid Comparisons and Stories

Before you head out to help, determine not to share even one story about your best friend's girlfriends' uncle who survived stage 4 cancer by meditating on his head for 10 hours a day... you know what I mean.  Our loved one's cancer is personal and will impact them uniquely. Your gift to them will just to be there, to listen, to support... to love.

4. Ask What They Need and Be Flexible

It can be hard to reach out in the midst of the heaviness of a cancer diagnosis.  So... call, ask if there is anything they need and then offer specifics... could I bring dinner tomorrow night? Would you like me to drive you to your next appointment, sit with you during chemo, pick up groceries?? If lunch dates were your thing before cancer, then suggest a lunch out and offer to pick up and drive... Offering a helping hand might mean just being there with them. Sometimes a shoulder to lean on is just that, nothing specific, just having you there is enough.

5. Be patient

Our loved ones may just need time alone.  Continue to offer, but be sensitive when they need a bit of solitude.  When an offer of help is declined don't take it personally... lift them up in prayer, send a thoughtful card and call back later... don't give up and don't disappear.

6. Be understanding

Cancer treatments can take a lot out of a person.  Be understanding when your loved one needs to cancel plans or unexpectedly needs to leave early from time together.  The cancer journey is grueling and often imposes limitations that add to the agony. Your understanding will be balm to their hurting soul.

7. Choose to Listen

Determine to be a safe place for your loved one to share.  Avoid the urge to offer advice and simply listen without judgement.  It is a gift.  When we can sit with them and listen to their heart we honor the courage it takes for them to open up.

8. Affirm What They're Saying

We all want and need to be heard and have our feelings validated.  Cancer patients even more so.  Our loved ones need to be heard, to know we will not minimize their pain or their struggle.  Determine not to use phrases like "it's going to be ok," or "Don't worry, just calm down," or "Just have faith, you are so strong."  While we may believe these things to be true, they are not helpful to the one who has just been given a cancer diagnosis.

What Every Cancer Patient Wants You to Know

For a more intimate look at what every cancer patient wants you to know, check out our 31 Day Series, A Letter from the Battlefield...

In the series, we share so much of mom's heart and what helped the most.  Truly her friends and family were the silver lining in the cancer storm cloud. 

 

You can be the gift... your loved one needs your presence and will be forever blessed by your sweet offering!

My Love,
Always,
          Jane

An Off-Grid Valentine Kind of Day...

 Celebrating love in the middle of Snowmageddon 2021!

I know... the snow has shut down Texas.
It's literally a Blizzard! 
LOL!

Halloween is a distant memory,
Our pumpkin just doesn't know it yet!

Off-grid reality... sweeping the snow off the solar panels!

The obligatory temperature pic ;-)
It's mighty cold down here in Texas!!

And here's the best place to spend Snowmageddon 2021
this Valentine's Day!

Praying you are safe, and warm, and surrounded by love...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

My Love, Always,
          Jane

Winging Love to You...

 

Wishing you sweet moments of love to carry you through
whatever life throws your way...

I Get To Choose...

What to Do When Our Hearts are Breaking...

Our world has suffered so much these past weeks.

The tremors of hurt and anger seem to be cracking our very foundations.

And the message carries many faces...

Not one of us has truly walked in another's shoes, we strive for understanding, for justice, and the process becomes as unique as our very fingerprint.

Some walk in protest, there are riots, there is also peace.

Many retreat into quiet, grappling with issues, heavy and uncomfortable.  Some proclaim with voice, strong and sure.

And while the process may look different in each life, that message is never as clear as the photo board over my desk that inspires me every. single. day.

Sweet smiles shine out to the world. Each grandbaby a delight to this Memaw, loved deeply, fiercely and more than the breath in my lungs.

These innocent faces have yet to feel the cruelty of a nation bent on tearing itself apart.  They love generously and without reserve... unsullied by the ugliness all around.

This, This is what I want for our brokeness.  That pure love, a child's trust, an endless hope in all that is good in each other.

"Love one another with brotherly affection.

Out do one another in showing honor."

                                        Romans 12:10 (ESV)

So, when our hearts are breaking over a world that is broken, take me back to the kind of love that bears one another's burdens, honors others above ourselves, and loves without reserve.

That is worth fighting for.  Always.

This Girl!

She graced our world 10 years ago today...

And life has been so much sweeter ever since!

Happy Birthday Autumn!

You are the best Big Sister, the most amazing Daughter,

and the miraculous one who first made us Grandparents...

You split our hearts wide open with Blessings and Love!

May your day be filled with all the magic and fun that can be had when the world is shut down for coronavirus pandemics and such...

And don't you worry, sweet 10-year-old, there is coming a day

when we will celebrate you with Hugs and Cake

and lots and lots of Love!

You make our hearts smile!

Love you Big,

Memaw & Pepaw

Happy Valentine's Day!

You Are Loved!!

Yesterday's a Closing Door...

Yesterday.  New Year's Eve.  Time to bid 2019 goodbye.

And I tried.  Wanted to.

But... it was hard.  Funny thing.  2019 was such a year of loss.  You would think I'd be ready to say farewell and embrace a new year.

You'd think.

And I know that grief can color a world gray.  Yet, it was more than the grief.

Saying Goodbye to 2019 moved me farther away from Dad.  Odd how a mind works.  But moving forward into a new year seemed to feel as if I was leaving him behind.

Each new day, each new memory made, will be one without him in it.  And that's ok. Truly.  Dad would want nothing less than for us to live our best lives.

My head gets it... but my heart has remained firmly entrenched in 2019.

Until a song spoke some truth.

The song... Tell your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey.  It simply touched a place deep.

The music is beautiful, but the words were meant for me today...

Danny Gokey is no stranger to the grief valley.  To learn more of his story head on over to this interview with Danny on CBN, Find Purpose in your Darkest Moments.  It is a beautiful story of loss and love and learning to hope again... 

You're shattered, Like you've never been before,

The life you knew, in a thousand pieces on the floor.

And words fall short in times like these,

When this world drives you to your knees.

You think you're never gonna get back

To the you that used to be...

Tell your heart to beat again,

Close your eyes and breathe it in.

Let the shadows fall away,

Step into the light of grace.

Yesterday's a closing door.

You don't live there anymore.

Say goodbye to where you've been 

And tell your heart to beat again.

Those words, sung to a broken heart.  It is true.  The grief and the loss find a way to keep us living in yesterday's shadow.

Danny Gokey penned the truth.  For yesterday is a closing door.  We don't live there anymore.  It is time to say goodbye to where we've been, and tell our heart to beat again...

And if I wasn't already captivated by God's faithful assurance of His everlasting care, the next verse moved me to a place of hope and promise...

Beginning,

Just let that word wash over you.

It's alright now,

Love's healing hands have pulled you through.

So, get back up, take step one

Leave the darkness, feel the sun,

'Cause your story's far from over,

And your journey's just begun.

Tell your heart to beat again.

Without a doubt, that is the lesson I needed to hear at the start of this new decade ... Perhaps you too?

Our story's far from over.  Our journey's just begun.

Yesterday is a closing door.
We don't live there anymore.

Say Goodbye to where you've been,

And tell your heart to beat again.

God is just beginning to do a Great Work
And I can't wait to be a part of the journey.

Welcoming 2020 with a Heart full of Hope!
My Love Always,
                        Jane

An Empty Chair at the Table...

Thanksgiving... in the midst of grieving... a hard grace to find gratitude when our hearts feel such a keen loss.

We have worked on Thanksgiving menus right alongside the planning of Dad's Memorial service.

It would seem that there is no slowing down time, nor stopping the world's spinning... Thanksgiving came whether we wanted to celebrate or not... This morning dawned grey, cold and rainy... kind of matched our mood to be honest.

Dean and Lisa graciously offered up their lake place for the gathering and the house filled up fast.

It's a testament to this family that there were more smiles than tears today!  Poppy would have been proud... and eaten way too much turkey!

There is a healing in spending time together.  A deep gratitude for the love of family and the gift of sharing the heartache as well as the joy.

The smiles were genuine.  The peace settling sure and sweet.

A Thanksgiving without Poppy came too fast... the Empty Chair at our Thanksgiving table was a painful reminder of all we have lost this season.  And I know we are not alone.

A dear friend sent me the following Thanksgiving poem earlier today.  It makes the rounds on social media every year during this hallowed season, but this year it is especially poignant for us:

So many have lost loved ones and struggle hard with the missing and the grieving every single day.  Holidays can add a layer of hurt that compounds the pain a thousand-fold.

This simple prayer turns us back to the One who is able to comfort our hearts when nothing else can.

The Psalmist speaks it well and offers a hope to sustain our faith when our grief seems impossible to bear:

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

                                      Psalm 27:13-14

God just smacked me upside the head and reminded me that He is here with us in the land of the living... just waiting to reveal His goodness.  Yes, even in the midst of the grieving and the loss... He has never left us.

The giving of Thanks begins when we open our eyes to every good gift from His hands.  And today was a very, very good gift.

My Love,

Always,

         Jane

The Hardest Goodbye...

Sometimes the words just won't come... We lost Dad a week ago, and still I cannot find ways to express the grief and the ache.

We have gathered together, held each other tight, and mourned... there is a void that will never be filled here this side of heaven.

And we have pulled out the old photos. Spent time pouring over the captured moments.  Laughing over old hairstyles and ancient memories.  Pictures of a life lived well.  Of Work and Sacrifice.  Laughter and Tears.  Of Family.  Of Grace... And most of all, pictures of an Abundant and Unmerited Love.  We have been so very, very Blessed...

David Michael Polly

September 15, 1935 - November 14, 2019

That smile...

I will miss it as long as I live.

Love you Dad,

Always and Forever.

Give Mom the biggest hug from all of us!

An Autumn Celebration

And today the mercury topped 100... again!   It is September, right??!!

Have mercy!

Longing for some sweater wearing, bonfire snuggling, cider brewing weather...

Please remind me come January how much I love chilly days and nights ;-)

Persevering thru the heat, blessed with family and cupcakes to ring in a Birthday Celebration for Poppy...84 years young!

Happy Birthday Poppy!

You make us smile!!

We Love You!