The Light at Tunnel's End...

That light.  Some days it sure looks to be a long ways off...

Dad is still recovering from his pneumonia/copd/broken heart affliction and it looks like it might be a long, long road.

ICU rooms have been upgraded to regular hospital rooms and finally to a room in rehab.  Each step a labor of heartache and determination.

And in between all the work and therapy and breathing treatments,

a few visitors couldn't but help the healing along...

And he's making progress, truly, he is...

but it is the slow, tedious kind.

Disappointment and Frustration battle Hope

when the body fails to bounce back like it once did...

And the therapists encourage Dad to just take the next step.

To focus on the strength building for today,

and with each day, and each step, 

he gets a little bit stronger...

just take the next step.

The psalmist knew it to be true.

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
                                                              ~Psalm 119:105

In days of old, when darkness cloaked the night, a lantern was used to light the way.  The flickering light only illuminating the path far enough for the next step... and then the next... until you found your way home.  A step at a time.  Never seeing the whole, but safely staying the course within that circle of light.

When Dad's journey began 5 weeks ago, you might remember the sorrow at missing a favored grandson's wedding... 

And in an ironic turn of events, there was another sweetly anticipated wedding this past weekend.  Another favored grandson and his well-loved girl were walking the aisle without Poppy in attendance.

Makes the heart hurt, it does.  But his all-pervasive weakness forestalled any attempts at attending the festivities.  Dad was sore with disappointment.

So.... we entered the digital age and hooked him up on Periscope, live streaming video.  He was beaming as he watched the wedding in real time.  A 16-year old granddaughter was in charge of the video taping and at the end of the wedding, the bridal party all waved their love to Poppy... happiness overload.

That was light enough for this step.  God knew.

When we can find a way to lighten another's sorrow, that is light in the dark.

Ryan and Whitney... they were Poppy's light this weekend...

Love them to pieces, we do!

And just because we love the light they shine...

here are some gorgeous wedding moments from their amazing day...

Sharing the light... a beautiful gift given...

that's Grace enough for this day!

The Broken Heart Syndrome is Real

I always thought that Broken Hearts were the stuff of fairy tales and happily-ever-afters... but, you know, for when things didn't end so happily ever after... kind of like those Hallmark movies that leave you heartbroken til the very end when everything magically turns out ok, but your heart aches all the same...

It seems that Broken Hearts are a very real medical condition.  And dad was just diagnosed with one...

No fairy tales or Hallmark movie directors here.  Just a cardiologist and an angiogram and dad.

After his admission to the ICU last week for double pneumonia, blood work revealed some elevated heart enzymes... we learned that this could indicate a possible heart attack... our hearts raced just to think...

But dad didn't complain of chest pain we said...

It was then we learned of another very real medical condition... the silent heart attack, (that would be the kind with no chest pain)...

By this point, I might have been having a small heart attack.  My chest hurt, and panic edged near the surface.

Dad was in the best place he could have been... they whisked him down to the CathLab and performed an angiogram under light sedation.

Within the hour we received the best news... No Blockages... No Heart Attack...

However, the sweet young tech said, the cardiologist wants to visit with you, here, in this little conference room, just wait for him to get down here, stay in this little room by yourselves, and don't worry...

Well, one minute turned into five, then five to ten...in this little room, by ourselves, waiting, not worrying...chest was hurting again...

Finally, the cardiologist arrived and got down to business.

He explained how the angiogram had been very successful... there were no blockages, no need for stents or balloon sinuplasty to open up vessels in the heart.

That's good... we say, Yes?

Well, yes, that is good... But... your father's heart has experienced an event that we call Stress Cardiomyopathy.  His heart has been weakened and is only pumping at 50% efficiency...

That's not good.  We didn't need the cardiologist to confirm this.

Then he told us that Stress Cardiomyopathy has been nicknamed the Broken Heart Syndrome because it so often occurs after the traumatic loss of a loved one and the subsequent grief that follows...

And my mind went right to our last visit with mom...

The missing is a living thing... the grief a real, live, heart breaking ache... not eased by time...

And, we all, as one, said, of course.  The heart has hurt for too long...

Dad misses Mom with every breath he takes.  The pneumonia perhaps a complication from the Broken Heart and the attending congestive heart failure.

Tears fell as we realized just how much Dad has been hurting and missing and grieving...

It has become all too real... and there's no happy ending in this Hallmark movie because there was no cure for mom's pancreatic cancer... no last minute silver bullet... no reprieve from certain death...

The final curtain closed as heaven called her home.

And his heart just broke.

And where do you go from here?

God prepared the road long before our feet took the first step... He, in infinite wisdom, provided the staff that would be ministering to dad (and to us) this very day... we have been roundly held with gentleness and compassion.

We have learned that Broken Hearts can mend.  With time.  And with love.

There is the promise of healing.

So we bundle him up in warming blankets as the pneumonia chills wrack his body and the weariness settles in...

and sit by his side as he sleeps...

Prayers beseeching a heavenly Father who knows the hurt of the Broken-Hearted.

Asking for a big dose of heart-mending hope this night,

to hold us thru the dark...