The Pancreatic Cancer Journey: Grief and the Holidays...

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Grief and the Holidays...

Everyone that has lost a loved one knows the pain of journeying through the holidays... there is no easy answer to the grief that tears the heart. Facing the empty place at each festive table, missing the cherished smile and laughter that accompanied each treasured tradition, hurting through a time that once was joyous but now only emphasizes the sorrow of our loss...

No easy answer.

And no right answer...

For our family, we have found that meshing new traditions with favored past-times has eased us through the grief that threatens to overwhelm at this most Holy time of year.

We miss mom every day, and so much more even, if that is possible, during this special season of Christmas.

Mom loved Christmas. As a matter of fact, 3 years ago, as she faced her 1st Year Canciversary, she insisted on decorating the house before Thanksgiving ... which was early even by her standards! She said she just wanted to enjoy the season as long as possible... I wonder if she knew down deep that her days were dwindling.

It puts an ache in my heart to remember walking back into their home the Sunday she passed away, December 4th, to see the Christmas lights twinkling and the ornaments hanging just the way she had placed them... for us. I know that if she hadn't decorated that tree when she did, we would never have had the strength to do it... But each day of that first December, as we planned a funeral and wrote her obituary, and accepted flowers and food and sweet hugs, the house sparkled with her special touch. It was small, but it was the nudge I believe she knew we would need...

Keep on Living, Don't Forget to Celebrate...Make. Every. Day. Count...

And so... that cruise we had planned to celebrate her 1st Year Canciversary... well, it never happened. Bruised our spirits hard, it did. She so wanted to go. God had other plans. And we grieved. And walked through dark days. And even in that grief, Dad talked about their cruise... And we planned... And we went... in honor of mom.

And we found that the cruise gave us leave to celebrate what we thought we had lost...

Life and Love and Laughter.

And so cruising has become our new Christmas tradition. One the whole family embraced this past week...

All 23 of us! We filled up 10 cabins on the NCL Jewel. Yes we did! And had so much fun that it was almost illegal... We ate, we laughed, we swam, we relaxed, we loved, we lived... such Grace that brought us to this place. Mom is surely smiling her approval... Words cannot express the treasure... perhaps a few pictures??