It's been 3 years since mom passed away. 3 years living with a grief that has been almost a physical presence in our lives... its mood changing with the memories, or a smell, even a song...
At times swamping with powerful pain, but then easing with blessed relief as love grabs hold and pulls us in close...
Our move from the farm took me to places unexpected in the grief journey.
As we packed our things and prepared for the move, I felt again the pain of her loss with a sharpness that cut deep. Everywhere around the farm were moments captured in my heart of her presence...
At the Thanksgiving table...
Here laughing around the living room...
Leaning on the fence to watch the goat kids play... Sitting on the back deck cheering on the grandkid's easter egg hunt...And the hike one fall to play paint ball games...
Mom's memory left a mark on the farm. And, with sudden clarity, I realized that she would never walk the new woods, nor gather around for Thanksgiving in our new home... She would never stand on the banks of our lake, or wrap her arms around us to share in our happiness...
Heart cracks at the leaving. Unexpected. Moving forward means leaving the past... and mom... to these sacred memories alone...
The leaving was an emotional pain that caught me unprepared.
For while time has eased the intense ache of her loss, and the grief has lessened, it hasn't disappeared. I am more aware than ever before that while the Grief will never end, it will change.
Grief is a passage,
not a place to stay...
And when the heart hurts over the missing, I can understand that it is the price of love. A price gladly paid. Mom poured her life into us with a richness that continues on.
It is with a conscious, intentional effort that we move forward... walking straight into a journey that would delight her to no end.
Living life well is one of the best ways
to honor a memory so beloved.
And her memory wraps us in love always...
Always.
Graced to have been loved so very, very well...
Moving forward thru the grief because of that love.
1 comment:
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