The Elephant in the Room

Where to start? My mind is tumbling with news to report.

The easiest to talk about is the weather. Yesterday, Dallas hit 101. Again! And I believe it's almost October (according to the calendar!) This heat just won't let go. Our A/C may be running all winter at this rate! I count the goats every night when they come up to feed - sort of afraid one might fall into the cracks in the ground and disappear....
 
Yesterday was also Chemo Day for mom (according to the calendar). But according to her blood work, it was a No Go. This time it was her platelets that were too low. 74. Normal is somewhere between 130-400. The low count coupled with her overall "isschy" stomach made for a lousy day. The last several days as a matter of fact. The nausea has given way to more vomiting over the past 48 hours.

This is the hard stuff to talk about.

Her weight has now slipped below 100. And the constant nausea is wearing her thin. Obviously, the current medical strategies aren't working well (understatement). Dr. Davis had been called to the hospital on an emergency, so we saw his PA, Allison.

It was a good consultation. Allison patiently listened and then reviewed mom's chart. So far, we have ruled out:

1) Gallbladder - rotten, slimy, no-good, you're outta here thing (removed in May)

2) Sepsis from the Strep infection last month - cultures are clear, no more strep

3) Heavy-Duty Antibiotics for the Strep - way past done with them

4) Gastric Obstruction - recent EGD ruled this out

5) Metastatic spread of the cancer - ruled out as well on the last CT scan several weeks ago.

5) Gemzar Chemo Treatment - nausea and vomiting began during her hiatus from the chemo

6) Medications for the Nausea: Have tried Reglan, Megace and now, Marinol to help stimulate appetite and control nausea - minimal to no improvement.

We are left with the Elephant in the room - the Pancreatic Cancer itself.

It's taken a lot to convince me that the cancer itself (while still contained to the pancreas) can do so much damage. The medical explanation is long and convoluted (maybe because scientists still don't completely understand how the cancer destroys the digestive system), but in simple layman's terms, pancreatic cancer interferes with the bodies ability to digest and absorb nutrients. No matter how much mom could shovel in (and keep down), the cancer is blocking her efforts. Maybe the cancer alters the metabolism, or maybe it inhibits digestive enzymes. Whatever it's doing, it's doing it well.

BUT... this pancreatic cancer has met a formidable opponent in mom. She may look as fragile as a piece of fine china; underneath she's got a streak of pure cast-iron skillet. It's true!

I also know that she can't fight forever. Her strength is dwindling and the quality of life factor is a huge consideration. How many of us have had the stomach flu and felt like hanging it up after 3 days? Mom's been pushing through this for over 10 months. I find that overwhelming, completely and utterly.
 
And yet, she is still smiling. And pushing. During our talk with Allison, mom brought up the possibility of a J-tube (feeding tube). This would perhaps allow us to bypass the finicky stomach and get the nutrients(calories) right where they need to be. It's definitely a possibility and we'll pursue it this week with Dr. Davis.
 
And then, of course, we got our weekly quota of fluids, steroids and Kytril. Oh, happy day! Mom went home and ate a taco! And enjoyed it!

Mom's lesson for me this week: Never underestimate what you can endure.

My lesson for you: Never underestimate the power of love.

Your gift to us has been tangible: love in action. I know that it has pulled mom through these past months. Words simply can't express the heartbeat of emotion.

May your Gifts of Love be Sweetly Returned , Jane