Too Sick to Snack

I need you to bring those sweet desserts and savory soups,

along with your understanding when I can only sample a bite.

 

One of the cruelest weapons in cancer's arsenal would have to be the relentless wasting away that attacks even the most determined of cancer warriors.

 

The proper medical term is cachexia... and it accounts for almost a third of cancer deaths and affects more than half of all cancer patients.

 

Sometimes the cause of this profound weight loss and muscle wasting can be directly attributed to the brutal treatments, chemo and radiation.  But, more often than not, researchers are finding that the cancerous tumors themselves secrete a chemical that promotes the wasting syndrome, drastically impairing the quality of life, the success of treatments, and ultimately, survival chances.

 

Either way, we are left with a very ill, weakened and frail loved one. 

 

No matter how much mom ate or tried to eat, her weight slipped away from her one painful pound at a time... it was insidious and relentless.... and it made her so mad.

 

For anyone who has objected to the "Battle" terminology we've used these past 31 days, might I just say that I understand your concern.  I would love to say we walked this cancer journey upbeat and positive, letting peace be our guide...

 

But the truth is, we fought it tooth and nail.  This cancer road took mom straight into the battlefield where she used every bit of ammunition at her disposal.  In our world, it was war.

 

And because of love we battled hard.  

 

With each inch that cancer took, we skirmished for hope...and added pounds...

 

Perhaps a new recipe, or maybe her favorite Pot Roast and gravy... a Smoothie for scrumptious calories or comfort-food standbys...

 

 

 

Friends and family rallied constantly, cooking and baking their hearts out for mom... and that brings me to today's Battlefield truth...

 

She was humbled anew with each and every delicious morsel you brought her, and it pained her so when she could only eat a bite or two, please know she longed for you to understand it was the wretched cancer that rendered her incapable of eating more.

 

Your steadfast gift of love that carried the food to her door more than strengthened her for each day of this harrowing journey... Never doubt the blessing you were to her!

 

"Let us not become weary in doing good,

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

                       ~ Galatians 6:9

 

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The Elephant in the Room

Where to start? My mind is tumbling with news to report.

The easiest to talk about is the weather. Yesterday, Dallas hit 101. Again! And I believe it's almost October (according to the calendar!) This heat just won't let go. Our A/C may be running all winter at this rate! I count the goats every night when they come up to feed - sort of afraid one might fall into the cracks in the ground and disappear....
 
Yesterday was also Chemo Day for mom (according to the calendar). But according to her blood work, it was a No Go. This time it was her platelets that were too low. 74. Normal is somewhere between 130-400. The low count coupled with her overall "isschy" stomach made for a lousy day. The last several days as a matter of fact. The nausea has given way to more vomiting over the past 48 hours.

This is the hard stuff to talk about.

Her weight has now slipped below 100. And the constant nausea is wearing her thin. Obviously, the current medical strategies aren't working well (understatement). Dr. Davis had been called to the hospital on an emergency, so we saw his PA, Allison.

It was a good consultation. Allison patiently listened and then reviewed mom's chart. So far, we have ruled out:

1) Gallbladder - rotten, slimy, no-good, you're outta here thing (removed in May)

2) Sepsis from the Strep infection last month - cultures are clear, no more strep

3) Heavy-Duty Antibiotics for the Strep - way past done with them

4) Gastric Obstruction - recent EGD ruled this out

5) Metastatic spread of the cancer - ruled out as well on the last CT scan several weeks ago.

5) Gemzar Chemo Treatment - nausea and vomiting began during her hiatus from the chemo

6) Medications for the Nausea: Have tried Reglan, Megace and now, Marinol to help stimulate appetite and control nausea - minimal to no improvement.

We are left with the Elephant in the room - the Pancreatic Cancer itself.

It's taken a lot to convince me that the cancer itself (while still contained to the pancreas) can do so much damage. The medical explanation is long and convoluted (maybe because scientists still don't completely understand how the cancer destroys the digestive system), but in simple layman's terms, pancreatic cancer interferes with the bodies ability to digest and absorb nutrients. No matter how much mom could shovel in (and keep down), the cancer is blocking her efforts. Maybe the cancer alters the metabolism, or maybe it inhibits digestive enzymes. Whatever it's doing, it's doing it well.

BUT... this pancreatic cancer has met a formidable opponent in mom. She may look as fragile as a piece of fine china; underneath she's got a streak of pure cast-iron skillet. It's true!

I also know that she can't fight forever. Her strength is dwindling and the quality of life factor is a huge consideration. How many of us have had the stomach flu and felt like hanging it up after 3 days? Mom's been pushing through this for over 10 months. I find that overwhelming, completely and utterly.
 
And yet, she is still smiling. And pushing. During our talk with Allison, mom brought up the possibility of a J-tube (feeding tube). This would perhaps allow us to bypass the finicky stomach and get the nutrients(calories) right where they need to be. It's definitely a possibility and we'll pursue it this week with Dr. Davis.
 
And then, of course, we got our weekly quota of fluids, steroids and Kytril. Oh, happy day! Mom went home and ate a taco! And enjoyed it!

Mom's lesson for me this week: Never underestimate what you can endure.

My lesson for you: Never underestimate the power of love.

Your gift to us has been tangible: love in action. I know that it has pulled mom through these past months. Words simply can't express the heartbeat of emotion.

May your Gifts of Love be Sweetly Returned , Jane

Stormy Seas

Quick medical update on mom: Doctor visit yesterday morning, blood work drawn, chemo given, vomiting has begun.
 
Didn't see that one coming. Was so hoping for a few more good days...however, to be fair, the nausea was already churning before the chemo was even given, so perhaps it was the swedish meatballs with noodles and gravy from the night before that sent her over the edge. At least it wasn't marinated vegetables!

We didn't get the results back on the blood work yet, but are anxious to see the tumor marker results. It's been almost 8 weeks since mom's last chemo treatment, and, of course, we fret that the cancer has taken this opportunity to frolic and play while the chemo's away.

Even with mom's queasy stomach, she didn't hesitate a minute when the doctor asked her if she was ready to begin the chemo today.

I so admire her courage and perseverance in facing this cancer head-on. No tears, no pity parties, just let's get on with it. So very proud of her grit.
 
And she will need that grit to keep pushing forward into the fray of her escalating weight loss. Today, the scale continued the downward slide. Weight is now at 109 lbs. And actually that is maybe up a few pounds since the gall bladder surgery when it briefly plunged to 104, but still the weight loss is an ever-challenging problem.  Her doctor has prescribed some medication to help with her appetite, however, he said it is only marginally successful in stimulating an appetite. It's called megace and it also aids in controlling nausea, so we are prayerfully hopeful that it will give mom some relief.
 
As we've shared before, it's not just a matter of getting mom to eat.  If only it were that easy! The cancer interferes with the pancreas' ability to produce digestive enzymes and without these enzymes, the food just doesn't get digested and absorbed well. Add on the subsequent pain from the tumor, and the nausea from treatment and, well, you have the perfect storm.

We covet your prayers on these matters. God's Hand can calm the storms in our lives, if we but ask.

Sailing on choppy waters tonight, but trusting in His grace to get through,

                                                                                               Love to all, Jane