Too Pooped to Party

I need you to bring those sweet desserts and savory soups,

along with your understanding when I can only sample a bite

and your compassion when my strength fades in the midst of your visit.
 

Every cancer story is different...so our experiences may not be yours... but more than likely you will be able to relate to this next Battlefield Truth:
 

I adore your visits, but today I'm waving my white flag in the wind,
I can't muster up the strength to even say thank you for coming...

But I'm feeling it deep in my heart, and always will.

You are simply loved you to pieces.
 

This would be a universal theme for every sick or hurting cancer warrior.  The cancer, the treatments, the worry, the grief... it takes something out of you.  Wears you down, beats you up.
 

Leaves you in a puddle of exhaustion...flattened out, absolutely spent...
 

Mom loved her visitors.  They brightened her days so much.  Whether at home or in the hospital, friends and family put a smile on her face.  But she struggled with the balance of it all.  And in the midst of this difficult journey, we learned a thing or two about the right {and wrong} way of visiting the sick.
 

So here would be the anatomy of a perfect "sick" visit according to mom:
 

1.  Call ahead and "schedule" a visit... surprise visits sometimes lead to embarrassed visitors, because you never know when messy procedures and doctor consults or nauseous tummies and impromptu vomitings will spoil your grand entrance.  It's always smart to get a "Final Clearance" before "landing" on the patient's doorstep!
 

2.  Do bring a gift...and ya'll, this is more for you than for mom.  We found that when visitors came bearing gifts... a small box of chocolates, a hand-drawn picture from their child, a small bouquet, warm fuzzy socks in rainbow colors...it immediately broke the ice and gave momentum to the visit.  Too many times, a visitor would show up, say Hi, look around the room with desperation and struggle for words.  Bring a gift.  It puts something in your hand, gives you a springboard for conversation, allows mom the opportunity to thank you, not just for the small token, but for your visit... Win. Win.  Bring a gift! 

 

 

3.  Don't bring children.  Unless, of course, they belong to the patient. Or you've been asked to bring your own angel-babes to cheer the patient.  If neither applies, all babes, angel or otherwise, should probably remain with a fabulous sitter.  Mom loved the babies and toddlers, but her energy was spent, and their busy hands could dismantle her hospital room faster than a team of NASA scientists... just saying... babies can elevate stress levels into the stratosphere... sweet little things!

 

 

4.  Just visit like you always have... in whatever capacity you knew the patient, you still know her... is it a work partnership? Then share the latest water-cooler gossip... is it your neighborhood Bunco group? Then share the story of Sally's recent, hilarious Bunco bust... is it a deep friendship? Then share your heart, ask how she's doing, listen with your soul... You all know her, she hasn't changed, just carrying around a load of cancer right now... your visit is pure respite from the long, hard journey.
 

5.  But, please, please, don't ask the questions that make us do a Bill Engvall "Here's your Sign" head slap.  Two examples come immediately to mind... One sweet friend visited mom during her long hospital stay with complications from the cancer treatment and asked "Do they know what's causing it?" With a straight face, mom just said, "The popular opinion is it's the cancer, but I'll check with the doctor..."  Another, even sweeter friend asked mom if she had ever googled pancreatic cancer to find a better treatment.  "Ummmm... my doctor is an idiot?  I'll try your approach, yeah... no!"  Head slap, actually I wanted to slap her head, but, you know, good, old-fashioned Southern hospitality won out.  So, please, THINK before you speak, or we will use you in our next blog post ... just kidding, ya'll, but you do make us smile  ;-)
 

6.  Lastly, but most importantly... Keep it short!  She loved visits that were sweet, fun, uplifting, and SHORT ... refer to title above... Our cancer warrior needs her strength and stamina for the battle at hand.  Give her the lift she needs, a hug and a prayer then leave her to rest up... She will love you for it!

There is a beautiful quote by Maya Angelou:

"People will forget what you said,

People will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel."

And those are words of truth from this battlefield warrior.

 

Waving that white flag in the wind, your love is the sweetest win,

                                           ~ Always

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