A New Christmas Wrinkle...

Losing Mom right before Christmas has become a complicated part of our journey.

Pancreatic cancer didn't care about our wonderful Christmas traditions, nor the pain her death would cause each year as we faced the season without her... these past 5 years have seen our traditions change in many ways as we try to balance the beauty and grace of Christmas with the aching loss we will always feel.

And this year the tightrope of balance has been shaken hard, for after much agonizing, too many health  scares, and oh, so much prayer, Dad has made the decision to move into an Assisted Living Home.

This past month has been an emotional cauldron.

Decisions, questions, tours, talking, praying, discussing... and finally deciding...

Deep breath.  {It will be ok}

Dad has chosen a beautiful new facility just down the street.  And he moved in with a smile born of equal amounts grace and grit. This has not been easy.

We are calling it his apartment... and decorating like mad... making it home... learning new names to go with new faces... developing new routines... finding our footing...

It would seem that Christmas in our family is destined to be colored by change.  Even as I long for those traditions that comfort and soothe, we are breaking from the old and preparing for the new...

And a lightbulb blinks on in this weary head of mine... for that is exactly what Christmas is all about... yes?

A Christ-Child born to us... come to make all things new... for the old will pass away in the light of his wholly transforming gift of Grace.

 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:
old things are passed away;behold, all things are become new."

 II Corinthians 5:17

Amen... Amen... Balm to this aching heart...

{It will be ok!}

Buckeye Traditions

Every year at Christmas, we have a candy tradition.  Well, mom and I have a candy tradition.  The rest of the family "tolerates" our chocolate obsession and tries to sneak in apple pies and fruitcake.  But the homemade candy making is as much a part of our Christmas traditions as the sun rise!  And the candy must always contain in some measure a dollop or two or more of chocolate..

The Buckeyes are one of our favorites:

They are more yummy than the best Reese's peanut butter cup and are one of the first to disappear off the candy plate!  They are easy, easy to make, but very time-consuming.  We only make them at Christmas, and always make them together.

This year I didn't think I could do it.  So hard, emotionally, to tackle all these "firsts" so soon.  But, as you will see, when you add in a goofy husband, a beautiful and funny daughter, the first batch of Buckeyes without mom was a sweet success.  She is smiling tonight...

Here's the recipe for some extra-special love and laughter around the Buckeye bowl:

You will need:

2 lbs. powdered sugar (yep- two whole boxes)

1 lb butter (use the real stuff, it's Christmas)

18.5 oz jar of peanut butter (crunchy or smooth)

Dump all in a BIG bowl and knead together, chill for about an hour, then shape into balls.  Place peanut butter balls on cookie sheets lined with wax paper and chill until ready to dip in chocolate mixture.

Melt 1 whole bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips with 1/2 bar of parafin.

Stick toothpick in peanut butter ball and dip in chocolate mixture.  Then dip chocolate end of ball in bowl of ice water (don't completely submerge).  This will firm up chocolate quickly.  Then set ball on paper towel to absorb any water.

Keep buckeyes in covered container in refrigerator.  Add to your favorite dessert platters and surprise your family and friends.  Watch them disappear!

Our evening went well with my very able and willing helpers:

Until they got "high" on chocolate fumes and started misbehaving:

They suckered me in, and soon I was caught red-handed enjoying the evening more than I ever thought possible:

Oh, it feels good to laugh and enjoy the traditions of this season.  I know that mom would want us to continue living our best life.  And that best life will always include our favorite Buckeye Tradition. 

This one's for you Mom...