Happy Sunday!

From here...

to

here!

Today has been a good day...

So grateful to be home.

Graced to watch him shuffle around his house

with that happy smile.

Gratitude rising from bended knee this day.

My Love, Always,

                      Jane

Geese Crossings and Ambulance Drivers

Another day spent behind these hospital walls with nurses and doctors, breathing treatments, blood tests and endless other important medical activities...

Dad is continuing to mend.  And I am continuing to worship grateful.

As I was leaving tonight heading home. I happened to pull in behind an ambulance leaving the ER bay.  As they approached the stop sign that exited us out of the parking lot, they slowed to a crawl and, well, perhaps a picture would make you smile...

A family of geese casually crossing the road... A sliver of joy split my heart.

The ambulance driver waiting patiently until all were across before pulling out.  {Love}

And all was well until one of the geese had a moment of indecision and that messed everybody up!

Do we stay the course and journey on?

Maybe we should turn around and go back?

I am sure there is an appropriate lesson somewhere here,

but I am way too tired to make sense of it...

In the end,

well....

The family headed back to the grassy knoll from which they came

and decided the bug hunting was superb there after all.

(Or so I imagine that's how it went...)

You never know who will be gracing your path each day...

Grateful for moments of happy joy

even in the midst of dad's worrisome hospital stay!

And here we are...

Back in the ER...

Dad has struggled with days of fatigue, a worsening cough, and lungs that refuse to behave.  This has led us to back to familiar ground. 

But this time no pneumonia.  Cheers!

Just a complicated, frustrating, overwhelmingly intense COPD flare-up.  The kind where panic is written with each labored breath.

Grateful beyond measure that I just happened to be spending the night, but still reeling from the jarring, disorienting wake-up as dad called for me, past midnight, hoarse and frantic.  By the time I reached him, his lungs were closing, and his eyes spoke fear, suffocating and real.

As we rushed thru the darkened night to the closest ER, minutes, precious minutes, passed as dad struggled to hold on, the hissing of the oxygen tanks competing with the distressed wheezing of each ragged breath.

I found myself breathing with him... desperately willing oxygen into his starved lungs.

No prayers would come... Just Jesus, please.  Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus

And He was there.

I realized much later that His name was prayer in and of itself.  These times when our heartache, our cries, our desperation are the call He longs to answer... our groanings are the prayers spoken long and deep without words... just our broken, sobbing, mess of need...

And He hears.

"God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.  If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  He knows us far better than we know ourselves... and keeps us present before God."

                                       ~ Romans 8:26-27, The Message

Jesus.  His name is all we need.  No, there wasn't a miraculous healing in that moment.  Dad's damaged lungs remained scarred and stiff.  But a Calm descended and from somewhere it steadied my voice and stressed commands gave way to soothing encouragement.  His breathing slowed and his eyes closed as he concentrated on the next breath...and the next...

There was a Presence that held us together.  And I know now it was His arms holding us close. 

Dad isn't out of the woods, but he is resting and breathing more comfortably in Room 201.   

Jesus.  Breathing His name in prayer.  And continuing to lift up Dad as the doctors tend his fragile lungs and give comfort in the days ahead...

Graced to call on the name of Jesus this day, for He promises always to meet us in our deepest need.

Always,

           Jane

Going Home...

Again...

A Big Thumb's Up for good news... We're headed home from the hospital!

However, it comes with a Big Dose of reality and lots of meds...

... and breathing treatments and monitoring and therapy...

But there is nothing like being home, eating breakfast in your favorite recliner!

The weekend is looking up  :-)

Gratitude for Blessings, both big and small,

Might you find joy, today, in simple pleasures with the ones you love,

In Grace, Always,

                 Jane

The Broken Heart Syndrome is Real

I always thought that Broken Hearts were the stuff of fairy tales and happily-ever-afters... but, you know, for when things didn't end so happily ever after... kind of like those Hallmark movies that leave you heartbroken til the very end when everything magically turns out ok, but your heart aches all the same...

It seems that Broken Hearts are a very real medical condition.  And dad was just diagnosed with one...

No fairy tales or Hallmark movie directors here.  Just a cardiologist and an angiogram and dad.

After his admission to the ICU last week for double pneumonia, blood work revealed some elevated heart enzymes... we learned that this could indicate a possible heart attack... our hearts raced just to think...

But dad didn't complain of chest pain we said...

It was then we learned of another very real medical condition... the silent heart attack, (that would be the kind with no chest pain)...

By this point, I might have been having a small heart attack.  My chest hurt, and panic edged near the surface.

Dad was in the best place he could have been... they whisked him down to the CathLab and performed an angiogram under light sedation.

Within the hour we received the best news... No Blockages... No Heart Attack...

However, the sweet young tech said, the cardiologist wants to visit with you, here, in this little conference room, just wait for him to get down here, stay in this little room by yourselves, and don't worry...

Well, one minute turned into five, then five to ten...in this little room, by ourselves, waiting, not worrying...chest was hurting again...

Finally, the cardiologist arrived and got down to business.

He explained how the angiogram had been very successful... there were no blockages, no need for stents or balloon sinuplasty to open up vessels in the heart.

That's good... we say, Yes?

Well, yes, that is good... But... your father's heart has experienced an event that we call Stress Cardiomyopathy.  His heart has been weakened and is only pumping at 50% efficiency...

That's not good.  We didn't need the cardiologist to confirm this.

Then he told us that Stress Cardiomyopathy has been nicknamed the Broken Heart Syndrome because it so often occurs after the traumatic loss of a loved one and the subsequent grief that follows...

And my mind went right to our last visit with mom...

The missing is a living thing... the grief a real, live, heart breaking ache... not eased by time...

And, we all, as one, said, of course.  The heart has hurt for too long...

Dad misses Mom with every breath he takes.  The pneumonia perhaps a complication from the Broken Heart and the attending congestive heart failure.

Tears fell as we realized just how much Dad has been hurting and missing and grieving...

It has become all too real... and there's no happy ending in this Hallmark movie because there was no cure for mom's pancreatic cancer... no last minute silver bullet... no reprieve from certain death...

The final curtain closed as heaven called her home.

And his heart just broke.

And where do you go from here?

God prepared the road long before our feet took the first step... He, in infinite wisdom, provided the staff that would be ministering to dad (and to us) this very day... we have been roundly held with gentleness and compassion.

We have learned that Broken Hearts can mend.  With time.  And with love.

There is the promise of healing.

So we bundle him up in warming blankets as the pneumonia chills wrack his body and the weariness settles in...

and sit by his side as he sleeps...

Prayers beseeching a heavenly Father who knows the hurt of the Broken-Hearted.

Asking for a big dose of heart-mending hope this night,

to hold us thru the dark...

Heat Waves and Hospital Stays

Some records are just not meant to be broken. Like Heat Waves and Hospital Stays.

Last week, the Dallas area sizzled past the old record of most 100 degree days in a summer.  On Tuesday, we hit 107, making it 70 sweltering days in the triple digits.  The old record was 69 days sets back in 1980.  Brutal to be sure.  That was one record that didn't need to be beat!

And then there are hospital stays. In the past 30 days, mom has spent a total of 24 of them entertaining the staff at Baylor Hospital. Not a month we wish to repeat!

We're glad to report that she continues to improve at home! Appetite remains steady, nausea is minimal (with only a few vomiting episodes), pain is under control, and she is even weaning herself off of the oxygen, slowly, but surely!

This morning we headed for the surgeon's office (not the hospital, yea!) for a quick day surgery procedure to implant her new medi-port.  They wheeled her off around 10, so now we wait.  With any luck, we'll be home in time for lunch.  More updates to follow...

Praying we have seen the last of the heat and of the hospital. Bring on the beautiful days of autumn. We're ready to enjoy!

My Love, Jane