I need you to be OK with never knowing why Cancer chose me...
and not trying to explain the reason why this happened to me...
Early on in mom's cancer journey we became just a little consumed with the Why of it all... nearly drove us insane. But here she was... healthy, fit, rarely sick a day in her life, and then... cancer. And not just any cancer... this was pancreatic cancer, deadly, terminal, heartbreaking.
Somewhere along the way,
Mom finally made "peace" with the beast. She drew us all near and shared this truth...It is your
solidarity as you stand with me in the fight against this cancer beast that will mean the most to me... not your explanations and rationalizing the 'whys' and 'how comes' this cancer is knocking down my door.
It reminded me of Job...Old Testament...devastating journey... a book of Why's...and Not Fair's...
For those who aren't familiar with the story of Job, here's my 0-to-60 version in a nutshell:
Job was a good man. He loved God. Disaster struck. He wished to Die. Yet, Refused to curse God. But asked Why a million times. God spoke Loud. Job Remembered and Surrendered to God's wisdom. God Restored. Job remained Blessed.
Ok... that might be really condensed... like maybe there's more to the story... So, yes, here's the rest...
Job was a good man and righteous in the eyes of God. He lived a good life, had a wonderful family, and was the best rancher in the land with lots of sheep and camels and oxen. One day, up in the heavens, Satan argued with God that Job was only good because God had blessed him so abundantly. His challenge was stark, give me permission to test him, saying that if Job lost all these things, he would turn and curse God...
God allows Satan to torment Job and in the course of 24 hours, he loses not only all his livestock and servants, but all ten of his precious children to horrific disasters. Job tears his clothes and mourns in agony, but still he blesses God.
Not finished, Satan strikes Job bodily with boils and sores so that he would wish for death. And yet, Job continues to bless God as he struggles to accept his circumstances. From an anguished heart he speaks, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10)
His wife, in the pangs of grief herself, tells Job to curse God and die...the bitterness of her pain is palpable...
Job's 3 friends weren't much better, basically accusing Job of hidden sin for which he was being "punished." Their well-meaning but thoughtless advice only intensified Job's misery.
What a nightmare...Job spends much of the Book working through what's happening and asking "why".
And finally... finally... God appears.
He speaks with Job. And His voice thunders...
God speaks of who He is and what He's done. Job's heart and head bow in abject sincerity, acknowledging God's great might and power.
Job has been given an answer... not the one he was expecting, but one much more important.
He claims with boldness in Job 42:2 "I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Out of the storm, God has revealed Himself... Job is struck anew with the glory of His almighty presence... God is alive, He is mighty, He cares beyond a doubt, and God, surely, is capable of all things.
Then God gave back to Job twice what he had before. And God blessed the last part of Job's life even more than the first part...
And that's the story of Job.
I have always loved that God came to Job in his misery and spoke to him... God spends so much time telling Job who He is and what He's done. It never occurred to me until mom was journeying with cancer, and we were asking why, to see the things that God didn't tell Job...
He didn't tell Job why everything was happening to him. We, of course, knew the "back-story" of how Satan had challenged God for permission to test him, but Job certainly didn't know that, nor did God deem it necessary to share that with Job.
Job asked why and God didn't tell him. Period.
God chose to answer Job with a magnificent description of
who He is. But not with
why He allowed all these things to happen.
God chose to display His awesome power. But not to disclose His future plans for Job.
And Job found that it was enough.
All the through the storm Job struggled. He longed to believe God was still good. That Jehovah was still in control. That He was still a loving God. The struggle was monumental. Job continued to praise, but the questions... he agonized with God...
And God Almighty met Job with Himself... His Power...His Majesty...
Job found that it was enough.
God still meets us with Himself today. Our struggles, the very real questions, the torment and the pain of not knowing why.
And He tells us His power is greater than our need. Always.
Might we remember this day that we are loved completely by a good God. And He remains steadfast and good even when we suffer unimaginable pain and grief.
He is there. He is in control. He is all powerful. He loves us. Always.
It is enough..
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